Hurricane Fay is stupid.

It’s the first week of school and I am now a shaper of young minds. What happens towards the end of the first day of school? An announcement is made that there will be no school tomorrow (now today) because of an oncoming hurricane. I lived in Florida during the 2004 hurricane season (where we were pummeled by 4 hurricanes in a row) and I no longer fear them. Hurricanes are stupid. It means I have to see Florida’s precious governor get on the tele and make announcements more often than I care to see his face.

I’ll punch a hurricane in its face and tell it her baby died in a fire. That’s the kind of sweet guy I am.

Hurricane Fay can suck it (8/2008)

Hey dude, there is something in your ear.

I was at the gas station yesterday and saw a guy standing in line fight in front of me. At one point, he turned to the side, and I couldn’t help but notice a rather large hunk of ear wax blocking the hole of his ear. I almost threw up. Here he is…

Check out what’s on my Q-tip! (8/2008)

Goldie Hawn in the 70s…

I just got done watching Foul Play (Colin Higgins, 1978) and I have to say, Goldie Hawn was certainly delicious in the 70s.

What happened?

So I drew this picture of her, in a style very different than anything I’ve done before. Thoughts?

Did you drop acid earlier tonight? (8/2008)

The Winners of Doom

Last week, I posted a challenge to bloggers. A challenge to draw me a picture. Some of you did. Some of you didn’t (where you at Abarclay? Evyl?) Out of the few entries I got, it was hard to break it down to the top three… so here is the list (with more than promised). Oh, and uh, I am sorry the pictures are so small… turns out, I was a big fat liar on the size the picture was supposed to be. My bad. Of all that entered, here were my top 5.

5. That Famous Screaming Painting Guy (Kerplar – 8/2008)

4. Repetez Apres Moi (Sitting Pugs – 8/2008)

3. Watch That Trail (Hierophant AKA Sexual T-Rex – 8/2008)

2. Romi’s Morning Adjustment (Romi – 8/2008)

And my personal favorite…

1. Dog Eats Cat (2 Lazy Dogs – 8/2008)

I am sorry for the few entries that weren’t posted. They were awesome, but I just couldn’t post them all. Thanks to all who entered and stay tuned for future contests, with themes!

First Bernie Mac, Now Isaac Hayes…

It’s been a pretty brutal weekend. Firstly, I opened up CNN yesterday morning to read the daily news with my coffee, and saw a story about 50 year-old comic Bernie Mac was no more. I loved that dude in the brief role he had in the original Friday. I liked in the new Ocean’s movies, Bad Santa, and he was the best part about Spike Lee’s Original Kings of Comedy. Here is to you good sir.

Then I open up the same news source today, after watching Jackie Chan’s Police Story, and noticed that Isaac Hayes is also no more. My love for the original Shaft not withstanding, everyone knows how much a South Park fan I am. I was sad to see him leave the show but laughed at his character’s incredible death scene anyway. Regardless, I am sad at his real death, and will miss his sultry deep voice for the rest of my life. What a weekend.

The Shaft and the Mac (8/2008)

Who’s next? Whoopi Goldberg? Probably not. I doubt anyone would miss her.

To those of you waiting for the results for the first ever Pictures of Doom Contest of Doom, you’ll have to wait until tomorrow, while I mourn.

The First Annual Pictures of Doom Contest of Doom!

I thought about this last night… nearly every computer (PC anyway, for you Mac-challened) comes with the immortal Microsoft program called Paint. It’s a glorious program that gave me my start in the binary artistry world. And any real computer owner (I’m now talking to you smart Mac people) probably have Illustrator, a glorious art program that is way better than Paint in many areas (and not so great in others). Why am I telling you this?

Because I want you to draw me a picture. That’s right. Draw me a picture.

“But what should I draw?”

I don’t care… draw anything that comes to mind. Draw your favorite crayon or animal. Draw a picture of your step-dad beating your mom. Anything. Celebrities too! Come on, I dare you.

“Why do you want me to draw a picture dude?”

I want you to draw me a picture because I am hosting the first ever Pictures of Doom Contest of Doom.

“What can I win?”

Absolutely fucking nothing. That’s right… you aren’t going to win a damn thing except a potential picture slot in an upcoming entry. I’m not sure how many entries I am going to get, but I am going to post what I think are the top 3 winning pictures. The best of the worst.

“That sounds… okay I guess. What do I do to enter?”

Simple… Open up Paint or Illustrator and set the size to 300X200 (in pixels). Then, after you figured out how to do that, let your imagine soar like food coming out of Mary Kate Olsen’s mouth after a full breakfast because she doesn’t know how to keep her food down. Next, save the picture in the best possible JPEG format ever. Repeat – JPEG only. I can’t post anything else. Make sure it doesn’t look all digitally busted. If your work shines, I want people to see it in the best possible light.

Finally, send the masterpiece to me via e-mail to citypicturesofdoom @ gmail.com (obviously the spaces should be eliminated in the e-mail) no later than August 10th (that’s next Sunday) by midnight. The winning 3 pictures (full credit of course) will go up in an entry on August 11th (that’s next Monday) for the world to see. Sure, I only get about 32 readers a week. But they are the best 32 people in the world.

“What happens if I send you a picture and it isn’t one of the glorious 3?”

The best thing you can do is take your glorious work of art and showcase it in your own blog, so the world can see it anyway. I would love to showcase each and every entry but there just isn’t the space available. I apologize in advance to those of you who send them in and don’t get chosen. It’s going to be a tough week.

Most importantly, thank you for entering. I am super excited to see what some of you create with your minds and mice. Who’s going to enter? This should be a fun challenged to some experienced bloggers out there. Joebecca? Romi? Evyl? Abarclay? NA Hole? Hierophant (or is it Slam Dizzle now?)? 2Lazy? Pugs? Come on, you know you want to. And don’t fret because this isn’t just open to bloggers… it’s open for anyone and everyone (even your wife-beating step-dad!)

Hurry up and do it. I’ll be expecting pictures in my e-mail as the week progresses. Oh, and tell your friends! Link this all around the blogiverse. I’d appreciate that too. Good luck, and God speed.

The Contest of Doom (8/2008)