I live in my late grandparents’ house in Pensacola, Florida. My grandma kept this place meticulously clean. That helped, but it couldn’t keep those things away, entirely. There were massive roaches in Mobile, Alabama too, but not nearly as many. Because our Mobile lawn only had one live oak. This lawn was covered with live oaks. So every other weekend, when we came here to visit, there was always a chance I’d see one of those roaches–and I was terrified of the things.

They’re often called “palmetto bugs” here, but it’s the live oaks that attract them so much. When I moved here, in 1998, there were ten live oaks. Unfortunately, I had to have four removed after Hurricane Ivan hit. But I love them–they’re beautiful beyond description, and God knows how old!

As for the roaches–they’re all giants. I used to go out of my way to avoid them–now I go out of my way to kill them. I’ve even caught and crushed some with my bare hands, if there was no other way. Of course, I’d wash them afterward, but that fucking smell would still linger.

I realize of course, that if they were our size, and we were theirs, they’d consider us hideous, as well (provided they could consider anything). And that could happen, after a nuclear war. Thank God we wouldn’t be here!