“Goodbye My Sweet”

You know that sad giraffe you often see in my pictures?

Back in 2002, right around the time I wrote Rabbit and Future (which was then ruined by a certain Eminem movie), I wrote another story. It was called Goodbye My Sweet and it told the tale of a man named Bill, his wife Wendy, and his sad Giraffe. This is where he came from.

I’m not going to go into too much detail here about what the plot entails because, unlike Rabbit and Future, I have decided to remake this story.

“What does that mean to me?”

I am not sure yet but I have already started it up. You see, the story is simply too big for me to post in a blog entry here for you to see. So, since I will be unemployed soon and all, I’ve decided to embark on drawing it up again – modernizing it City Pictures of Doom style – for all of you to see. Want to see the original cover?

Goodbye My Sweet 2002 (2/2002)

Only I am going to go big this time. Last summer I mentioned that I would be doing some original paints for you to purchase at ass cheap prices. But that never actually happened, what with all the moving I did and so forth. That isn’t happening this time.

I already started beefing up the story (meaning I am re-drawing it from scratch). Also, in 2002, I noticed that my story lacked a little bit. The only way to fix that is to add a few new pages. What’s next?

The only thing I can do, aside from posting it here, is to get it printed.

“Wait… what?”

Yes, I am going to get it printed. Create a book with a nice layout and get a nice print job going for it. It will be the first ever City Pictures book.

“How can I get one?”

Goodbye My Sweet will be ready to ship in July. This new version will be in complete color, with redrawn characters, backgrounds, and more story. In the next month or two, I will post some pictures of the final product, a page sample, as well as pricing information and where you can get it. It’s going to be a super limited edition first (and probably only) pressing so you probably have to act fast. Again, those details will come.

Untitled

Untitled March (3/2009)

Monday’s blog entry will be a visit to my past… another remake of a blog entry from years ago. Be sure to check back, as it’s a pretty hilarious story of my childhood.

Charlie Got Punched…

I have no story today but I do have a picture. I’ll let your imagination create a story for this one.

Steak Can Cure That (3/2009)

Wow, I actually drew an entire person, not just the torso. Things may be happening for me after all.

Search Term of the Week: Rachel is a Pickle

What? I often wonder why people search half the shit they do to stumble upon my glorious pictures, but how would someone be confused with a pickle? And which entry of mine did this search term on Google take them to? Hopefully this picture will shed some light on our salty mystery.

Rachel and Curtis (2/2009)

And have my pictures not been on fire this week, or what? I mean, this picture has fucking pickle cleavage! Who else does that? I like Curtis a lot too. Expect to see him around more. Like Future. For you newcomers, I wrote an entry about Future a while back. Since then, he has appeared in my header once, and a few other regular drawings since then (including one this week). He’s a robot and he will kill you.

Hot or Not: Kimmy Gibler?

America’s First Public Foot Fetish (2/2009)

Remember when you were a kid and Full House came on, and you were like, “Man, which chick would I bang?” So tell me, do/did you think she is/was hot? You know you wanted the Giblet to rub her toes all over your face, you dirty bastard…

Go ahead and vote today in Pictures of Doom’s first ever election! Fuck the presidential shit, we here care only for the important issues. Like Kimmy Gibler. So get out there and vote! And tell your friends! Send them my way because I want to hit the 40,000 views mark by the end of February. And I am greedy, but we’ll tackle that later.

Am I Fucked?

So this week has been pretty quiet so far. That’s because I had some big ambitions. For instance, one of those ambitions was for me to finally get a Wacom Tablet that I have been craving for so long. Those you confused as to what that is, let’s just say it’s a device that may (or may not) help my pictures from all looking the same. I went and traveled all about my worthless county and came up empty. I still live without a beloved Tablet.

Then, I had this wicked brilliant idea for a new bi-weekly column here at Pictures of Doom. I was inspired by WordPress’s claim that you can now post polls in your entries. I signed up where I need to sign up, attempted to post a poll but when I previewed the entry, no such poll existed. I’ve tried for days but still can’t get it going. How does one do this? Please leave comments and instruct the internet illiterate.

Why Have You Forsaken Me? (2/2009)

My third and final problem lately has been with the uploading of pictures. Back in 2008, when you read one of my entries, you could click on the actual picture and it would then take you to an entirely new page with just the picture on it, so you could see it in all of its glory (at a better resolution too). It was something that was somehow done automatically, by wordpress I assume, but something that no longer done. Am I doing something wrong? Or did WordPress eliminate that?

Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope (and by help, I mean please leave a useful comment that may assist me in my troubles). Thanks for any and all assistance.

Sketch for the Dead

Dead people probably don’t read blogs but if they did, this one would surely top their list. So here’s to them, no wait, to you. The dead. We miss you. Some of you anyway. I am sure there are many a dead person no one would miss. But that’s neither here nor there.

Sketch for the Dead (2/2009)

“What’s this on my head?”

I went to a gathering of sorts with a mostly male audience Friday night. I was up for over 24-hours (thanks to my crazy work schedule) but decided the evening would best be spent with an adult beverage or two. After a few of those and a quick round of Power Crank (this is a game invented by my friend John and I – involving one shot of beer every minute for the duration of the film), I passed out faster than a deer with buckshot in its brain. When I woke up the next day, I noticed something drawn on my freshly shaved head.

Dreams of Sweetness (1/2009)

The funny thing is, I didn’t notice it until after I threw up the next morning. I did the business, then headed to the sink to wash my mouth out. After some moaning, rinsing, and rubbing, I looked in the mirror. I noticed some Sharpie colors on the side of my head. I turned my head slowly to see what the business was. But before I saw it in full, I already knew there would be a penis — a donger — right there on my dome.

“Shit, I’ve been had!” I thought.

Then I chuckled. I probably would have done the same thing if I noticed a bald guy sleeping on the couch. Only the Michaelangelo who drew this reproductive organ on my head wasn’t too skilled in the art of illustration, like yours truly. This cock was so small; small as if it just exited a cold pool or ocean. It was frightened. Scared. Alone.

Should I have illustrated it, it would have been glorious. Like this one a student of mine drew in my classroom. This bastard covered a whole desk with a cock the size of a small child. You should have seen it; this thing was huge. It could’ve conquered New York City. This one on my head though, couldn’t conquer an ant hill.

To the illustrator of the penis on my cranium, kudos to you. I had a good laugh and thankfully, it wasn’t hard to clean. In fact, it was very limp.

The Winners of Doom

Last week, I posted a challenge to bloggers. A challenge to draw me a picture. Some of you did. Some of you didn’t (where you at Abarclay? Evyl?) Out of the few entries I got, it was hard to break it down to the top three… so here is the list (with more than promised). Oh, and uh, I am sorry the pictures are so small… turns out, I was a big fat liar on the size the picture was supposed to be. My bad. Of all that entered, here were my top 5.

5. That Famous Screaming Painting Guy (Kerplar – 8/2008)

4. Repetez Apres Moi (Sitting Pugs – 8/2008)

3. Watch That Trail (Hierophant AKA Sexual T-Rex – 8/2008)

2. Romi’s Morning Adjustment (Romi – 8/2008)

And my personal favorite…

1. Dog Eats Cat (2 Lazy Dogs – 8/2008)

I am sorry for the few entries that weren’t posted. They were awesome, but I just couldn’t post them all. Thanks to all who entered and stay tuned for future contests, with themes!

The First Annual Pictures of Doom Contest of Doom!

I thought about this last night… nearly every computer (PC anyway, for you Mac-challened) comes with the immortal Microsoft program called Paint. It’s a glorious program that gave me my start in the binary artistry world. And any real computer owner (I’m now talking to you smart Mac people) probably have Illustrator, a glorious art program that is way better than Paint in many areas (and not so great in others). Why am I telling you this?

Because I want you to draw me a picture. That’s right. Draw me a picture.

“But what should I draw?”

I don’t care… draw anything that comes to mind. Draw your favorite crayon or animal. Draw a picture of your step-dad beating your mom. Anything. Celebrities too! Come on, I dare you.

“Why do you want me to draw a picture dude?”

I want you to draw me a picture because I am hosting the first ever Pictures of Doom Contest of Doom.

“What can I win?”

Absolutely fucking nothing. That’s right… you aren’t going to win a damn thing except a potential picture slot in an upcoming entry. I’m not sure how many entries I am going to get, but I am going to post what I think are the top 3 winning pictures. The best of the worst.

“That sounds… okay I guess. What do I do to enter?”

Simple… Open up Paint or Illustrator and set the size to 300X200 (in pixels). Then, after you figured out how to do that, let your imagine soar like food coming out of Mary Kate Olsen’s mouth after a full breakfast because she doesn’t know how to keep her food down. Next, save the picture in the best possible JPEG format ever. Repeat – JPEG only. I can’t post anything else. Make sure it doesn’t look all digitally busted. If your work shines, I want people to see it in the best possible light.

Finally, send the masterpiece to me via e-mail to citypicturesofdoom @ gmail.com (obviously the spaces should be eliminated in the e-mail) no later than August 10th (that’s next Sunday) by midnight. The winning 3 pictures (full credit of course) will go up in an entry on August 11th (that’s next Monday) for the world to see. Sure, I only get about 32 readers a week. But they are the best 32 people in the world.

“What happens if I send you a picture and it isn’t one of the glorious 3?”

The best thing you can do is take your glorious work of art and showcase it in your own blog, so the world can see it anyway. I would love to showcase each and every entry but there just isn’t the space available. I apologize in advance to those of you who send them in and don’t get chosen. It’s going to be a tough week.

Most importantly, thank you for entering. I am super excited to see what some of you create with your minds and mice. Who’s going to enter? This should be a fun challenged to some experienced bloggers out there. Joebecca? Romi? Evyl? Abarclay? NA Hole? Hierophant (or is it Slam Dizzle now?)? 2Lazy? Pugs? Come on, you know you want to. And don’t fret because this isn’t just open to bloggers… it’s open for anyone and everyone (even your wife-beating step-dad!)

Hurry up and do it. I’ll be expecting pictures in my e-mail as the week progresses. Oh, and tell your friends! Link this all around the blogiverse. I’d appreciate that too. Good luck, and God speed.

The Contest of Doom (8/2008)