Some people do shit to their body that is completely unacceptable. Others do shit that is acceptable. For example, the single mother stripper who needs a new set of tits, because years of child births sagged them things down and no respectable wife-cheating business man wants to throw down money on saggy boobs. They simply do it out of need. If their boobs don’t pass the test, no one will make it rain for them.
Anna Faris does not fall into this category. She was perfectly fine a few years ago. Everything was good. Sure, she is no Meryl Streep as far as acting is concerned, but she isn’t fucking as emotionless as Summer Glau for testicular sake. She seems to land about 2 movies a year and has no problem doing so.
So what the fuck happened to her lip?
I tried watching House Bunny (a sure-fire Oscar contender) and I couldn’t look past it. What happened to her top lip man? Does she have a leprechaun punch her every morning before work or did she actually get work done?
I bet even the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz wouldn’t even want any of this action. Why doesn’t someone throw this bitch a donut? Or a taco? Or an Oreo? And for fuckballs sake, keep her fingers away from her throat! Look what’s happening to her!
The Fruits of Kiera Knightley (3/2009)
I saw Domino in theaters a couple years back. I remember a scene where our beloved Kiera became topless. At the time, I was too shocked to cover my eyes. It was a horrifying sight – like looking in on a dressing room full of 10 year-old boys changing before a baseball game. I think I have bigger boobs than her. So does my mailbox. Why do people want to penetrate her?
Wow, almost no one (aside from 7 people) read my entry on books. So I’m going to go back to basics today with a question.
It must be asked… I bring this question up a lot in my day to day life and it’s the sort of thing I’ve been pondering since I was 10 years-old and I saw Pretty Woman. Even then, as an ignorant child, I wasn’t quite sure who the title of the film was talking about. They couldn’t mean Julia Roberts…. could they?
It was about 2 years later, when my interest in girls was its peak (both mentally and physcially – you get it?), that I realized who they were indeed talking about. Fucking Julia Roberts. I once asked my Mom why Julia Roberts had so many teeth. Did she not remove her baby teeth? What gives?
I am going to have to vote “Not” on this one, my friends. There is something about her… like, when she laughs hard, her mouth opens so wide as if her head literally splits in two, thus causing the top half to float away like a helicopter of doom.
Julia Roberts and the Helicopter of Doom (2/2009)
Just how many fucking teeth does she have? Even when her mouth is shut and serious, like how it is often in Erin Brockovich, her lips look as if they are in a struggle with the teeth, as if they are prisoners desperately pulling for escape. But the lips do a good job keeping them in there… usually.
“But Mike, how can you not like her? She is so beautiful!”
I beg to differ with you, middle-aged, white female America, who long for her magnificent smile. I long not for her. I think her brother Eric has a lot more acting potential than she does, and he sure as hell has a lot less teeth. Perhaps I am just angry because she won an Academy Award over Ellen Burstyn a few years back. I am not sure, but I am sure that it does have a lot to do with it. What do you think? Check an option in this sweet poll…
And on a seperate note, I am quite proud of today’s picture. Usually I will set out to draw something only to give up seconds later when I realize I can’t draw what my imagination creates. Today is quite an exception for I drew exactly what I pictured.
Remember when you were a kid and Full House came on, and you were like, “Man, which chick would I bang?” So tell me, do/did you think she is/was hot? You know you wanted the Giblet to rub her toes all over your face, you dirty bastard…
Go ahead and vote today in Pictures of Doom’s first ever election! Fuck the presidential shit, we here care only for the important issues. Like Kimmy Gibler. So get out there and vote! And tell your friends! Send them my way because I want to hit the 40,000 views mark by the end of February. And I am greedy, but we’ll tackle that later.
It’s been a pretty brutal weekend. Firstly, I opened up CNN yesterday morning to read the daily news with my coffee, and saw a story about 50 year-old comic Bernie Mac was no more. I loved that dude in the brief role he had in the original Friday. I liked in the new Ocean’s movies, Bad Santa, and he was the best part about Spike Lee’s Original Kings of Comedy. Here is to you good sir.
Then I open up the same news source today, after watching Jackie Chan’s Police Story, and noticed that Isaac Hayes is also no more. My love for the original Shaft not withstanding, everyone knows how much a South Park fan I am. I was sad to see him leave the show but laughed at his character’s incredible death scene anyway. Regardless, I am sad at his real death, and will miss his sultry deep voice for the rest of my life. What a weekend.
The Shaft and the Mac (8/2008)
Who’s next? Whoopi Goldberg? Probably not. I doubt anyone would miss her.
To those of you waiting for the results for the first ever Pictures of Doom Contest of Doom, you’ll have to wait until tomorrow, while I mourn.
I hate Dementia/Alzheimer’s. If science could shrink me down and insert me into a tiny space craft, then into the human body (like in that movie Inner Space), I’d fucking shoot any remnants of that shit dead. Shoot it right in the fucking face.
In 2000, a year after my hero Charles Bronson decided to do the same, Estelle Getty decided to retire from the public eye due to her bout with said diseases. I’ve received a few text messages in the past two days from people saying, “Dude, Estelle Getty needs a proper tribute.” I agree. Not only was she a key character in The Golden Girls, she was also in the Stallone-fueled action mega hit Stop or My Mom Will Shoot!. Am I the only person who thinks that movie is alright? I watch it every time it’s on USA or AMC (because those two networks are shitty enough to show it).
So here is to you, Mrs. Getty, in your honor. May your 84 years here be the best ever spent. I raise my glass to you. I hope you bump into George Carlin and you two bring on the motherfuckin’ ruckus.
“I look at it this way… For centuries now, man has done everything he can to destroy, defile, and interfere with nature: clear-cutting forests, strip-mining mountains, poisoning the atmosphere, over-fishing the oceans, polluting the rivers and lakes, destroying wetlands and aquifers… so when nature strikes back, and smacks him on the head and kicks him in the nuts, I enjoy that. I have absolutely no sympathy for human beings whatsoever. None. And no matter what kind of problem humans are facing, whether it’s natural or man-made, I always hope it gets worse.” — George Carlin
Film geeks aside, the name Stan Winston might not mean all that much to you. But if you’ve ever seen Terminator, T2, Predator, Aliens or The Monster Squad, you have experienced Winston’s amazing skill with traditional effects. He created the Predator creature, the Terminator endoskeleton, the Queen Alien, and even the dinosaurs from Jurassic Park. He was a master at not using computer-generated effects. You watch something like T2 and compare it any modern piece of shit (like the new Indy or something), that puppetry looks so much more convincing. This guy even helped Iron Man look as good as it did.
He died a few a days ago. And with it, I’m sure the death of traditional (‘real’) effects will probably die with him. The world of cinema will probably be run with computer-generated effects all the more often. So movies will continue to look hollow and depth-less. Stan was the man (and I am not saying that because it rhymes). He will be missed.
