A long, long time ago, I drew a picture for Romi for reasons I don’t really remember anymore. I just found it in the bowels of my computer. I think it stemmed from a conversation about beloved (or mostly loathed) pubic hair. Perhaps it all started from this conversation I had about a very short-lived relationship I had.
I dated a girl one time in 2002. We saw 8 Mile together when it came out. I think that’s the only thing I really remember about her, as far as things we actually did. We never slept together. She was never one of the illustrious digits of mine. Do you want to know why? Sure… we all do.
One time, we were making out, rolling around in bed. So I guided my hand to her special area. I noticed something quite fowl. Her, uh, lawn was a bit too out of control. This is the kind of crazy yard that neighbors would complain to the home owner’s association about. Also, the shape of the thing. It was everywhere; her lawn was definitely outside the quadrants of a normal lawn. This thing could trap a fucking raccoon.
As disgusted as I was at the time, I figured it’d be rude of my fingers to enter a lawn but not go inside for tea. They were hesitant but they finally made it. Only there was someone else in there blocking the entrance.
The girl said, “Um… I’m sorry, I am on my period.”
Yes, you read that all right. I take my hand to the south, peruse around the merchandise, enter the front door… and THEN she decides it’s a good time to inform me of said problem.
I took my hand out, washed them both with fire, then went to sleep. I broke up with her the next day. It wasn’t so much about the tomato soup filter I bumped into without any official warning; instead it was the lack of weed trimmings. You can get lawn maintenance gear anywhere for the cheap. I think it was then that I decided that any kind of untrimmed lawn just wouldn’t be part of my universe.
There is just nothing good about pubic hair… on either side of the fence.
Good news? No one, aside from Romi, has ever laid eyes on it. More good news? It’s done with glorious Illustrator.
Bad news? Cover your eyes…
What’s Your Sign, Girl? (2007)