“Springtime for Tony Danza.”

Sometimes people ask me how certain pictures come about. Usually, I just sit down and think, “Shit, I should probably draw a picture. What’s on my mind right now?” Other times, they stem from incidents or conversations. This is how today’s picture came about. I was having a rather mindless chat with Bitchslap’s own William Goss yesterday when the conversation created an awesome visual that was too good to hide from the world. Here is a snippet of the convo so you can see how we got there. It started out as a discussion about the Zellner Bros. (watch their films and you’ll know what we’re talking about) before heading into what I think may very well be the best motion picture idea in the history of man. If this gets made, we better get some royalties.

Because it’s not like we think Nazis and Old Germany are hilarious. They aren’t. It was an awful time in history. But thinking about Tony Danza as almost is hilarious as last night’s episode of South Park (which was fucking hilarious).

Mike: Did I ever show you the picture I drew for them for Pardon my Downfall (Zellner Bros., 2006)?
William: Don’t think so.
Mike: Let me see if I can find it.
Mike: Here – http://www.filmthreat.com/blog/?p=422. 6th one down.
William: Never saw Pardon My Downfall. I’m guessing that would help?
Mike: Oh yeah. Do you have 5 minutes? You can watch it online on their website.
William: That Hitler flick should’ve been called Pardon My Downfall. Sounds like an ’80s sitcom.
Mike: Haha.
William: With Tony Danza as Hitler.
Mike: That would be the best movie ever.
William: “Mein Mona!”
Mike:“Samantha, un scheisse!”
William: Ha. Draw a picture of Tony Danza as Hitler.
Mike: Man. That would rule.
William: I guess it could still be called “Who’s the Boss?”
Mike: I’d have to translate it to German, for comedic effect.
William: “Who’s the Boss, Juden?”
Mike: He should have been one of the nihilists in Big Lebowski.
William: Hell, it’d be funnier than fuckin’ Meet the Spartans.
Mike: Right.
William: Alright, I’m gonna run. You have fun with Fuhrer Danza.
Mike: Rock.

Are you going to hate me for this? (4/2008)

George Lucas looking for writers for new ‘Star Wars’ show?

Cinematical reports that everyone’s favorite flannel-clad filmmaker, George Lucas, is now on the prowl for new writers to help him pen his new Star Wars television show. If only he did this back in 1999. Maybe Phantom Menace wouldn’t have been so disappointing or maybe Attack of the Clones wouldn’t be so fucking unwatchable.

I hate to say it but my Star Wars days are long behind me. I don’t even enjoy watching the old, un-tainted, trilogy all that much anymore. But that isn’t to say I wouldn’t be interested in watching some new Star Wars business without Lucas’ hand in the writing pot. Let’s face it, what’s the best Star Wars movie? The Empire Strikes Back. You know why? Because George Lucas didn’t write the screenplay or direct this film.

Will Star Wars prevail on the small screen though? Who knows; but at least it isn’t another shitty reality show.

George Walton Lucas Jr. (5/2005)

*This picture is from another blog I used to write long ago. Sorry it’s not an original but I’ll be back with that real soon.

ABC’s “Cavemen” is less funny than a baby on fire…

When it was announced that ABC planned a fall series around Geico’s infamous Caveman advertisements, it felt as if all creativity on Earth finally ran dry. Sure, the commercials were somewhat entertaining, but they were only 30 – 60 seconds long. I guess some suit found it funny enough to stretch into half-hour episodes.

Then it finally aired. I really had no interest to watch it (I mean, this is the season that It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is airing new episodes, what else do I need?). For some odd reason though, I decided to set the DVR to record the debut episode so I had something to watch some lonesome day when I was all out of material. That day finally came yesterday and I can say this: Holy Shitballs.

This show is probably the most unfunny thing I’ve seen outside of a Dane Cook movie. It had nothing. Nothing. They even brought in poor Nick Swardson (a character regular on Reno 911) and turned him into mediocrity.

There is a valuable lesson to be learned here for ABC: Commercials weren’t meant to be television shows. That’s why they are commercials. They are meant to be short and sweet, not episodic and lengthy. I hope this show cost someone some coin. Even more so, I can’t wait until it is no more.