There was about a 9 year period (1999 – 2008) of my life where I didn’t own a video game system. When I was a kid, NES (Nintendo Entertainment System for you acronym challenged) pretty much owned me. Then the Sega Genesis came out, and that owned me up until I was in high school (Streets of Rage 2 still owns me to this day), when the Playstation came out. I had one of those for a little while but then vagina started coming into my life, so I didn’t much care about video games anymore. So I rarely played them, save for a few Halo battles here and there at a friend’s house, or Grand Theft Auto shoot-outs.
This past March, however, all that changed. Being the DVD/movie geek I am, I was excited to arm myself with a Blu-Ray player, even though I am too poor to afford an HDTV to reap the full benefit. So I bought a Playstation 3. First time I’ve owned a game system in quite some time. I then found myself spending a great deal of time playing games too. Like Call of Duty 4 and Rainbow Six: Vegas. I came to the stunning realization that I love shooting people. I really love it. And this new system provided me with tools to do so.
“Hey terrorist!” I would say, “Get away from that slot machine!” I would then shoot them in the leg, only to wound them, then clip them in the neck to finish them off. I would literally sit on my couch and say these things to my TV. In my mind, I really was a terrorist fighter, armed to the teeth with an arsenal of weaponry.
Last week a game called Grand Theft Auto IV was released. It has been hailed by many as the greatest game ever made and is sure to be the best selling video game of all time. In said title, you play a Russian immigrant escaping to the US to begin an awesome life of crime and villainy. You can run around, steal cars, shoot anyone, run people over, punch people, drive while drunk (which is SO awesome), go on dates and have sex, and best of all, you can buy prostitutes. It’s like God himself made this game for the world to experience. I find it hard to believe anyone else could be responsible for creating such beautiful mayhem.
Needless to say, I got a copy of the game at midnight of the day of its release, and I have yet to stop playing it. I find myself aiming a lot of my aggression towards the residents of Liberty City (the location where this game takes place). I’ll be running around, and someone will accidentally bump me with their car.
So I’ll take out a gun and say something like, “Didn’t you see me you fuck?” and fire a shot into their chest. They’ll start screaming and falling down. So I get near them and say something like, “Oh, does that hurt? What about this?” and shoot them again. Then I’ll put my gun back and start punching them in the goddamn face. Finally, I’ll get in their car and start driving in reverse, so I have plenty of room to speed up. Next, I’ll start speeding up to their defenseless, injured body on the road and run them over at full speed.
“Next time, watch where you’re going motherfucker.”
Can I borrow your car? (5/2008)
Also, I know my pictures have lacked a certain variety as of late but stress not. I am working to remedy the problem.
