There is only so much you can say about a used-to-be-great director before you finally give up. John Carpenter was one of those guys for me. I’d say to my friends, “Who cares if he made The Village of the Damned or Ghosts of Mars… this dude made The Thing (1982), Halloween, and Big Trouble in Little China!” But that didn’t matter after a while. There is only so much you could say about a director who hasn’t made a decent film in quite some time (1995‘s In the Mouth of Madness might be his last worthy effort). Continue reading »
This entry is recycled – it was a piece written for Film Threat a few years ago. It’s a sad story with some pictures I drew with Microsoft Paint. Now that my artistry has matured and such, I figured to revisit the piece. Firstly, you should check out the original by clicking these pretty words. Here is the original text for those too lazy to click. There are also two examples of each picture, the top one being the older one and the bottom being the remastered version. Think of this as the George Lucas of blogging. Remaking my own shit, thinking it’ll be better when in reality, it won’t be…
Big Trouble in Little China (4/2006)
Big Trouble in Little China Redux (5/2008)
People sure were stupid in 1986. In July of that year, John Carpenter’s amazing film of adventure and intrigue, Big Trouble in Little China, was released in cinemas. The sad thing there was no one really saw it. It was a “bomb” if you will. Not “Tha Bomb” (although the film is indeed Tha Bomb), it was a regular bomb, like the kind that dude in the woods used to make and mail to people.
This movie is so good. But no one saw it. 20 years later, people are still just as stupid. Slither leaked out of theaters faster than a blink of the eye, yet, Scary Movie 4 is pulling in an astonishing amount of coin. I guess the point of that story is we (the audience I mean) will always be a little dumb. That’s what makes being alive so much fun.
I have an excuse for missing Big Trouble in Little China in its theatrical glory. It was 1986, a year I’ll never forget, and perhaps one of the worst years in my life. I was about 5 years old then. My parents’ tumultuous relationship was coming to a close. They divorced that year. I don’t remember caring all that much about the separation (even then I thought divorced ruled because people that shouldn’t be together should indeed go their own ways) but I did care because I wouldn’t see my dad everyday anymore.
Tears of ’86 (4/2006)
Tears of ’86 Redux (5/2008)
I was indeed sad. A few months after that happened, in a winter month, my good dog (a German Shepherd for you dog people) decided to call it quits. I walked out to his little doggie house to give him some food and water and I found him lying on his side. “Hey Corky, you okay?” I asked. “No, I don’t feel too good today,” he replied. I went back into the house and told my mom. She then called my dad. I then went back outside to kick it with Corky, who was still just lying there on the ground, motionless except for his chest moving in and out as he inhaled and exhaled.
My dad arrived moments later with his old Nissan Sentra station wagon. He said, “This doesn’t look too good Mike. I am going to take him to the vet now.” He rolled Corky up in a blanket and put him in the back seat. My dad then hugged me and said, “You might want to say goodbye to him now.” I knew when he said it that I would never see Corky again. I looked into the window and Corky looked back at me. I gave him a little wave, then watched my dad drive off. I never did see Corky again.
No More Corky (4/2006)
No More Corky Redux (5/2008)
1986 was indeed a terrible year. My dad and mom split, my dog died, my first hamster died (I left that part out on purpose) and Big Trouble in Little China was financially screwed. Being only five years-old, growing up with a single working mom, I never found a ride to theater that year to see Big Trouble. I was sad.
The following year or so, HBO decided to play the hell out of this movie. Thankfully, my mom still had HBO, so I watched it every time it was on. My mom used to actually get angry because everytime she came home from work, I was watching a crappy VHS dub she made for me. I must have seen that movie 237892344 times by now. And I love every second of it, still to this day.
To John Carpenter and Kurt Russell, I am sorry that I didn’t see your film in the theater. I highly doubt my 1986 dollars would have helped you or the film anyway, but it’s the thought that counts. I have since purchased it on VHS and DVD (the awesome 2-disc spectacular) to make up for the trouble.
When are you guys going to get back together and make another good movie? Do it for Corky.
Isn’t that quite a tale? Notice how my art skills really haven’t improved much over the years?
What did you say about my mother? (10/2007)
Most of this list is pretty obvious, as every other website on the planet has posted damn near the same titles, but who cares. This is the list of films I am going to watch (or already have watched) around the Halloween season, and a quote that makes them so damn memorable.
- The Exorcist (William Friedkin, 1973) – “Your mother sucks cocks in Hell, Karras, you faithless slime.”
- The Thing (John Carpenter, 1982) – “We’re going out to give Blair the test. If he tries to make it back here and we’re not with him… burn him.”
- Friday the 13th Part 3 (Steve Miner, 1982) – “Well first we take our clothes off, then you get on top of me or I can get on top of you.”
- Frankenstein (James Whale, 1931) – “You have created a monster, and it will destroy you!”
- Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Tobe Hooper, 1974) – “My family’s always been in meat.”
- Nightmare on Elm Street (Wes Craven, 1984) – “He’s been in the John pukin’ since he saw it.”
- The Wolf Man (George Waggner, 1941) – “You’re the gypsy that’s been filling his mind with this werewolf nonsense!”
- Young Frankenstein (Mel Brooks, 1974) – “Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide gorilla?”
- Nosferatu (F.W. Murnau, 1922) – “It will cost you sweat and tears, and perhaps… a little blood.”
- Evil Dead II (Sam Raimi, 1987) – “Your love was a lie and now she burns in hell!”
- Halloween (John Carpenter, 1978) – “Death has come to your little town, Sheriff.”
- Child’s Play (Tom Holland, 1988) – “You stupid bitch! You filthy slut! I’ll teach you to fuck with me!”
What are you watching this festive season?