Dear Jackie Chan,

How have you been dude? I read an interview recently where you discussed the problems you’ve been having doing stunt work these days because, well, you’re getting a little too old for that. Does this mean we’ll see you in more comedies? Let’s hope so.

But I write you this letter because of some statements I’ve been I’ve been reading about you lately. In regards to the first Rush Hour film, you said, “I felt the style of action was too Americanized and I didn’t understand the American humor.” Well Jackie, I am here to tell you not to worry about it. It’s a Brett Ratner film; the only thing funny about it is how that guy has a career.

So you stressed your disappointment with the first film, why do two more? Especially when you had to work with that asshole, Chris Tucker? His last three movies have been the Rush Hour films. And that dude gets a bigger check than you too. That has to piss you off, doesn’t it?

I loved Tucker in Friday. Back in my youth, I “watched” that movie tons of times, if you know what I am saying. Lately though, I just don’t get him. You either want to be an actor, or you don’t… pick a side. Also, there is something about that dude’s face that has always baffled me. Like, when I look at him, his face looks more like a Picasso than a real one. Maybe it’s his personality or something but every time I look at him, this is what I see:


Portrait of Chris Tucker (10/2007)

I don’t really understand it either. It’s like I’m a cyborg from the future and Chris Tucker causes my CPU to malfunction. My brain can’t just put the pieces of him together in the proper order, even though they are supposedly already put together for me.

I have yet to see this new Brett Ratner classic, Rush Hour 3, but I think I am going to keep it that way. If you somehow found a way to hate it, even though you got a fat check for it, there is no way in Hell I’d like it. Even if it has Roman Polanski fingering your asshole.

Keep up the good work though Jackie. And don’t worry if you pissed people off with your comments. I found them to be earnest and accurate.

Best Regards,

Mike Bronson

Author: bronsonfive

Film, movies, whatever.

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