7 Directors Who’d Make a Better Snake Plissken Film Than Brett Ratner

This news is a few days old now but it took me that long to fully recover from the horror. I never understood the concepts of remakes, as only a handful of them are on a par or better than their source material (see Scorsese’s Cape Fear or The Departed), but Hollywood wants another Snake Plissken adventure. Instead of a fresh one, reuniting Kurt Russell and director John Carpenter, they are just going to remake the first one.

I used to be really, really, hard on Escape from New York‘s sequel, 1996’s Escape From LA. Now, over 10 years after it came out, I finally get it. John Carpenter basically remade EFNY before Hollywood had a chance to. EFLA is the ultimate remake satire and no one really got it at the time (except for Roger Ebert who gave the film 3.5 stars). Now I think I love both of these films equally.

After 300 came out, word was traveling about a remake of Escape from New York with Gerard Butler (the main guy from 300). While it hurts me that they are doing this in the first place, I think he may be the right choice (compared to any other actor really). Then I read that Len Wiseman, the shitacular director behind the last Die Hard PG-13 film, was at the helm, I knew all hope was lost.

Until I heard he left the project. For about 4 seconds of my life, I was feeling pretty good. Now, director Brett Ratner (Rush Hour 1, 2, 3 and X-Men: The Last Shit) somehow got the job. All hope is apparently lost for this. The guy can’t direct action sequences all that well (Rush Hour 2), handle special effects (see the last half of X-Men: The Last Stand), or handle a dark mood (lest we forget Red Dragon) all that well.

ratner.jpg

Brett Ratner Has a Big Head (10/2007)

I’ve never met a fan of his in real life, and while his movies make money for some reason, I think the powers that be need to get someone else for this.

Here is a list of 7 directors (compiled by yours truly) that would definitely do a better job at directing the remake of Escape from New York:

  1. John Carpenter (The Thing and Escape From New York) – He already did it twice before, why not a third time?
  2. Zack Snyder (300) – His remake of Dawn of the Dead (2004) is reason enough.
  3. Paul Greengrass (United 93 and The Bourne Ultimatium) – His pseudo-documentary style would take Snake into a new level of realism.
  4. Shane Black (Last Boy Scout and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang) – His one-liners alone would make this movie great.
  5. John McTiernan (Predator and Die Hard) – He was the man in the 80s when it came to action. Let’s give him a new assignment when he gets out of jail in a few months…
  6. Neveldine/Taylor (Crank) – This duo would make the most ridiculous action sequences Snake would ever come across… it’d be awesome!
  7. Michael Davis (Shoot ‘Em Up) – Because Plissken has never killed anyone with a carrot.

Who else could rock this show?

Author: bronsonfive

Film, movies, whatever.

2 thoughts on “7 Directors Who’d Make a Better Snake Plissken Film Than Brett Ratner”

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