Don’t you want to lick my treat?

I was driving someplace today to pick up lunch when a dirty white van, covered in rust, pulled up next to me. The driver was a familiar sight – oddly large glasses, big round head, messy hair, dirty fingernails, and badly maintained facial hair. Further inspection of the van proved what I already thought to be true. He was an Ice Cream Man. There were stickers upon stickers of various icy treats covering the van. It had a large generator on the back, making some awful ruckus.

I thought to myself, “Shit, who the fuck allows their kids to get ice cream from this guy?” But then I thought back to my childhood and realized that I bought ice cream from this guy. Hundreds, if not thousands, of times. They are all the same. All ice cream men look as if they just got done serving jail time for fucking little boys, like Jesus in The Big Lebowski. Yet we continue to allow our children to get close to them and suck on their ice pops and lick their cones. The world is an interesting place.


Want to lick it, little boy? (12/2007)

Author: bronsonfive

Film, movies, whatever.

11 thoughts on “Don’t you want to lick my treat?”

  1. Hahahaha…you should be a composite sketch artist! :-)

    I love the thin mustache, it jacked up his creep-factor by like 40% (at least)…and the sunshine-yellow top didn’t help either, haha..

    PS: I would have been pissed at you if you had just copped out with one of those stupid “fruit-juice” frozen-pops, but you went ahead and impressed me again, with the subtle hint of “white filling”, thus indicating a cream-sicle pop of some sort…awesome :-)

  2. My older brother was molested by our ice cream truck driver, but my parents told him to keep his mouth shut so we could keep getting creamcicles and rocket popcicles free for the rest of our time in that neighborhood. To this day, whenever my brother hears the ice cream truck song, he shivers, but we tell him he’s gotta just shake it off, you know?

  3. Ice cream men usually are hot. The more grease the better.

    I don’t let my daughter go anywhere near them…but I do recall being allowed to patronize them as a child myself. I was fond of that one with the bubblegum ball stuck in it. I think it was pink and in some shape. I cannot remember. The bubble gum ball was the important part.

  4. Trek: Should I put an ice cream man into your header? Ha.

    Romi: How can anyone suck on a frozen treat without cream being in the center? That’s just ludicrous. I need cream in my drippy frozen shaft.

    Pugs: I wish I lived on your side of town…

    Abarclay: That’s a story you need to blog about asap… free treats for molestation? What a trade off. I am not sure which end is getting screwed…

    Cheetah: You seemed like the type to love balls of gum in your mouth… ha. Sorry, couldn’t resist. And good, keep your daughter away from them. I don’t want to see her on the news…

  5. hahha i like abarclays comment, but maybe thats just cause i’m sexually attracted to her.

    in other news, yeah.. the ice cream guy in my neighborhood served for like 20 years. Hell, for all I know he could still be doing it. But i’ve seen some sketchy looking ice cream men. And I don’t want my kids sucking on their pops… if i had kids…

  6. WHAT?!!?!

    First of all, I can’t believe I’m in the same company as Dame Barclay!!

    Second of all, I DO NOT make the world go ’round!!…dammit you are so sweet (*blushing.. :-) )… maybe all 4 of us need to hook up simultaneously “raunch-style”…we’ll have to ask Barclay how she feels about that one…

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