Mind if I put my rash on your seat?

As any Pictures of Doom enthusiast knows, I love me some Dunkin Donuts. Rarely a weekday goes by where I don’t head to the Double D to get my fix of caffeine and overly cream cheese’d bagel. Even the workers there know me by name and prepare my coffee as soon as I walk through the door, even when I am the last in line. They love me.

They have other “regulars” too. In particular, there is this one lady who is always sitting down at a table. I see her every time I go in there. She is older, probably in her 60s, but I am not here to talk about that. Her gray hair pokes up through the weird hat, but I am not here to talk about that either. She wears these super short shorts every day, no matter the weather, but I am not here to talk about that either.

Okay, maybe I will talk about that last part. The other day, I noticed her get up from her chair and leave. I turned around for a brief moment, caught a glimpse of the back of her legs, and then became baffled at what I saw. Her shorts go about 6 inches above the knee – they are short for someone her age. So I watched her walk out the door and noticed this crazy red rash on the upper half of the back of her legs.

“Ew,” I thought, “wouldn’t you want that covered up?”

The next day, I saw her there again, sitting in the same chair she always does. I think she was wearing the same shorts as the day before, but the back of her legs were actually touching the plastic of the seat.

“Does she still have that rash?” I wondered.

She got up as I waited for my poppy seed bagel and I peeked around as she headed out the door. Sure enough, the rash was there, in full effect, as if she sat on a bunch of cranberries.

“Ew,” I thought, “her rash was touching the seat? What the next poor sap to sit in that chair?”

I started running all of these odd scenarios in my head. Picture this – you’re a girl wearing a pretty short skirt. Under said skirt, you’re wearing a thong. So say you come into this Double D, order some tasty blueberry cake donuts, then sit down in a chair that was preoccupied by a woman and her crazy rash. So your bare bum, protected only by a string, rests upon the plastic on the seat. Will you walk out of this Double D with a rash too?

Why doesn’t this lady wear pants to cover it up?

“Well, maybe the material irritates the rash dude, so stop being an asshole.”

rash.jpg

Two Beefy Legs with Side of Rash (2/2008)

Okay, but if you have a rash like that, are you going to travel about town and rub it on various surfaces? I would hope not. But now you know why I always wear jeans. I don’t want someone else’s rash rubbing against me. Not at all.

Author: bronsonfive

Film, movies, whatever.

12 thoughts on “Mind if I put my rash on your seat?”

  1. That’s pretty gross dude. Maybe you should bring some cream in for her or something. Just don’t put it on for her, that would be even grosser. (is that a word?)

  2. As per King Steve’s comment: I think you SHOULD put the cream on for her, and lovingly no less. I know, I know, before someone says, “Romi? You SO crazy…” let me explain:

    -So you’re in the Dunkin’ Donuts, rubbin’ the cream on her rashed-up legs, and in walks the girl in the pretty short skirt and thong; she sees you gently massaging the cream into the old lady’s rash, and she thinks to herself: “wow, that’s the kind of guy I want to grow old with”…and then she bangs you in the Dunkin’ Donuts public washroom.

    You’re welcome.

  3. Kerplar: Welcome to City Pictures… I write about what hurts my eyes a lot but other times I just draw pictures of animals and such. Thanks for reading. I love new readers.

    Joebecca: She certainly is a scary bird. I am about to go get my daily coffee… I just hope she isn’t one of my readers. I don’t want her to touch me with it as punishment.

    Lucky: I am not sure if you are a girl or a boy, but as long as you wear something that is long enough to protect your skin when you sit down, you should be good to go.

    Steve: You just grossed me out dude. I love it. Bring her some cream? Haha-larious.

    Romi: I highly doubt that scenario would happen. Would you allow a guy touching a rash to violate you shortly after? Probably not. Think about what that might do to your special area.

  4. You forget to reference the fact that I am desperate with a capital D…so would I? Would I let it happen shortly after? Yes, please, all the time, and thank you.

  5. I dunno dude. Dunkin’ Donuts is sketchy enough that I wouldn’t want to sit on those chairs in any kind of skin baring clothing, never mind a thong. (See above story involving hideous and very likely contagious rashes.) What kind of girl wears a thong under a skirt anyways? There’s plenty of foot-cameras out there you know. Oh, hey! What about table-leg cameras? Some good angleage there. Oh wait, we were talking about rashes. Yeah, gross. And stuff.

  6. That is pretty damn gross. Are you sure it’s a rash though. It could be a birthmark or something. Take a picture, or take the one you drew, go to a dermatologist and find out if it’s dangerous.

  7. Romi: You have a vagina. You have no idea how easy it is for you. Just point to it at a grocery store, and you’ll go home with 5 guys.

    Lucky: She is indeed.

    Green: I love me some Dunkin Donuts, but I never hang out there. I just go, get my coffee, and leave. And what kind of girl wears a thong with a skirt? I’ve seen that more often than not.

    Trex: I am pretty positive it was a rash dude. And, judging by the sight of it, I am guessing it’s pretty dangerous. Dangerous enough to prevent me from ever sitting in one of those chairs again.

  8. Since they seem to know you there you should have a talk with the manager. Not that you want to run the lady off or anything but so they could be aware and sanitize the seats for sure. Tell them they way you told it here. Then try and make sure they are cleaning the seats good, if not I’d find somewhere else to go.

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