Why haven’t you seen Rambo yet?

Seriously, what the hell is your problem? This movie rules. I dare you to find me a movie where the body count of children is ALMOST as high as the deaths of adults. Everyone gets blown up to shit in this movie. Men, women, children, trees, jeeps, leaves – everyone and everything blows up real good here.

“But I don’t want to see Rambo, Sylvestor Stallone is too old.”

So what. So is Harrison Ford, yet your panties are probably wet for the new Indiana Jones movie. And George Lucas is attached to that shit, and that guy hasn’t made a good movie since before I figured out how to masturbate.

Plus, have you ever actually seen First Blood? This was the first of the Rambo films (and by far the best). Like, it’s seriously good. It was so good, it didn’t even need the word “Rambo” in the title. (Check out this sweet video tribute I made for it a few months ago: Click here!)

This new Rambo is more or less the same as First Blood II: Rambo and Rambo III (please don’t ask me to explain the odd title choices and how they don’t make any sense). But with that said, it’s much more serious, less cheesy, and way more violent. Rarely have you seen so many heads explode.

What’s this I hear about Hannah Montana making almost 30 million dollars last weekend? Either there are a lot of pedophiles out there or there is something seriously wrong with this nation. Wait, I guess those two are related. Anyway, put down your 3D teenage glasses and go see Rambo. Just shut up and go do it. You probably shelled out money for one of those wretched Star Wars prequels or Matrix sequels. So why not put your money towards a good movie now?

rambo.jpg

Caution: Falling Limbs (2/2008)

Author: bronsonfive

Film, movies, whatever.

10 thoughts on “Why haven’t you seen Rambo yet?”

  1. Okay, the only reason I haven’t seen Rambo yet is because I really despise going outside during the winter. And I really hate humans in any kind of large gathering. However, the previews all play Drowning Pool all the way through which rocks hard motherfucking core. Please tell me that all attempt at dialogue in what should be nothing more than a couple of hours worth of kickass explosions is drowned out by an appropriately kickass soundtrack featuring Drowning Pool and anything else that makes me want to punch the nearest passerby in the throat. Because if this is the case, I will brave the public post haste.

  2. Green: There is actually very little dialogue and the few words spoken are only used to progress what little story there is. The last 30 minutes of this film are indescribable. Anything bad in this film is more than made up for here. Violence. Explosions. Blood. Fire. It’s all there. It’s the second best Rambo film, under the first. And the soundtrack only consists of score; that Drowning Pool song was only used for advertising. This movie is too bad ass for song. Brave the public. Go see it.

  3. LOL, I saw 27 Dresses a couple weeks ago! Now that you are done snickering….There was a Rambo preview featuring the Drowning Pool song and I love that song. So, I guess I need to see the movie for that, if nothing else…oh, and the blowing up of the leaves, Jeeps and trees.

  4. I believe that it is probably good. I didn’t think Rocky 6 was all that bad. It was boring, but overall, it wasn’t as bad as I expected.

    Did you hear about him signing deals to do another brane new Rocky and Rambo? I can see Rambo, cause there can always be a war or a reason to kill. But Rocky? Dude needs to let him go already.

  5. Cheetah: People keep telling me about this 27 Dresses movie… but I can’t motivate myself to go see it.

    Trex: I liked Rocky VI also. Stallone has stated on many occasions that Rocky Balboa is the last and there will never be another one (thankfully). But this Rambo is so good, I hope there are more to come.

    Steve: Go see it now. Stop reading this and go.

  6. Okay. I’ll brave the public. And I’ll bring my iPod because that’s how I brave the public. (Seriously, me on the subway without my iPod = BAD!!!) And since there’s no dialogue, I can just listen to Drowning Pool all the way through and watch the guts fly!!! WOOOOOT!!!

    Huh…that’s a little unhealthy isn’t it? Nahhh.

  7. Mikey:

    I was there opening night at midnight piss drunk with open beer bottles in my pockets somewhere in downtown Houston with about 7 people in a packed theater to celebrate the 1+ year I waited to behold what was to be my theatrical highlight of the decade.

    That’s right. Decade.

    Stallone movies (only the ones where he operates guns…fuck Rocky and all the storytelling with the crackhead old coach guy) have kept me afloat and, outside of my John Waters’ film collection, has been the only thing prompting me to collect movies of any sort.

    Why do I feel so strongly about Stallone flicks? Because for me it relates all too closely to alcoholism:

    When you’re happy, you drink. When you’re sad, you drink. When someone’s born, you drink. When someone dies, you drink. When you lose your job, you drink. When you land a job, you drink. It’s the cure-all. For me, you can also substitute any of the above mentioned “you-drink”s with “you watch a Stallone shooter.”

    Why? Because it resonates.

    In a life full of inconsistency I know I can damn well count on the fact that whether I’m happy, drunk, lost, bored, exhausted, or crippled I can go to a Stallone flick/pop a Stallone DVD in and I will hardly have to use my brain to be completely entertained by guns/wonderfully awful dialogue/blatant lack of story and in this case, a brutal push for some of the coolest violence on the silver screen I’ve seen yet.

    And just when you think that you are going to get insight into the plot…BOOM! Explosions, gunshots, and splattering of blood and body parts drown out all that crap and reminds me of what going to the movies is for: to escape for a bit.

    Long live John Fucking Rambo.

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