Thou Shall Burn in Hell


Thou Shall Not Sin! (3/2008)

It’s safe to assume that anyone of any faith living here in the States has some idea what the Ten Commandments are. Even if you aren’t a Catholic, like me, you’ve probably heard them on television or in the motion pictures. They are simple (and obvious) guidelines to help keep your life in check. Shit like “Thou shall not steal” and what not. Believe it or not, but some people actually need something like a book to tell them this.

Regardless, I once saw a bumper sticker that read, “What part of ‘thou shall not kill’ did you not understand?” I read it as a statement towards our pointless war situation. Maybe they were talking about abortion. I don’t know.

It appears now that our newly-elected/selected pope, Crazy Ancient German Guy, has set forth some newly selected sins to fit our current lifestyles. And believe you me, there are some beauties in here. Check these out (as well as my comments):

The New Mortal Sins

1.) Genetic Modification – Cloning shit? Burn in Hell.

2.) Carrying Out Experiments on Humans – Kill animals instead? Sweet. Burn in Hell.

3.) Polluting the Environment – All garbage pollutes the environment. Burn in Hell.

4.) Causing Social Injustice – Holy shit. Everyone burns in Hell for this one.

5.) Causing Poverty – Does this count if you’re in poverty? Burn in Hell.

6.) Becoming Obscenely Wealthy – You’re either rich or poor, so either way, burn in Hell.

7.) Taking Drugs – Headache? Burn in Hell. Cough due to cold? Burn in Hell. Want some heroin? Burn in Hell.

So what did we learn from this fine tale? We are all, according to Catholic faith, are burning in Hell. And that has to include the Pope himself. But who am I to judge. Oh wait, there is more. Check out the sins of driving (courtesy of NPR):

The “Drivers’ Ten Commandments”

1.) You shall not kill.

2.) The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.

3.) Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

4.) Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.

5.) Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

6.) Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.

7.) Support the families of accident victims.

8.) Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

9.) On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.

10.) Feel responsible toward others.

Author: bronsonfive

Film, movies, whatever.

4 thoughts on “Thou Shall Burn in Hell”

  1. So let me get this straight: The Vatican is admonishing people for amassing obscene amounts of wealth?

    Pope, meet kettle.

  2. i agree- he’s livin sweet. Also, i regards to this:

    Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

    On behalf of Alvin and his recent accident that left him royally screwed – and caused him poverty – F THAT!

  3. I read these the other day and laughed out loud. I said to myself. WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS POPE DICK THINK HE IS, BLOODY FUCKING GOD. How come after centuries and centuries of there being the perfect 7 deadly sins, they made at least a bit of sense, he has to change them. WHY! They were cool, there was a movie about them. No one is going to make a movie about them now, they are all hippy nonsense really. THATS IT! The pope, has been impersonated by a hippy.

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