Homeless John Wilkes Booth

Some people have an annoying problem with homeless people. I hate those people. Not the homeless but those assholes who say ignorant shit like, “Get a job!” How under-educated those piece of shits are. There is a good portion of the homeless community that are mentally unstable many of these people are. They simply don’t have any family members to take care of them, nor do they have the skills to keep up a job or stay in a shelter. How are these people to get a job? Whatever.

There are quite a few homeless regulars that visit my retail job. There is this one guy with a Star of David tattoo on his head, who wears these crazy glasses. He looks like he is a Vietnam Vet. He is a paranoid sort who often tells we employees about the importance of USA Today and things of that nature.

Then there is this other guy who often says random things. The most popular thing he ever said was, “I’m not the one who shot Abe Lincoln.” Okay sir, I don’t think anyone was confusing you with that person, but thanks for letting us know.

Last night, at about 12:30am, we locked the doors and headed to our respected vehicles. Just prior to closing, there was a Chinese girl who had to run out to grab her wallet. I looked out the window to see how long it would take her when I noticed she was talking to someone. I couldn’t see who it was, because of a blocking pillar, but I figured it was one of our homeless locals.

The girl came back in began telling her friends of the homeless man outside. She said, “Yeah, I gave him a dollar. He seems really problematic. He told me he was a Chinese warrior of some kind, but he’s just a white guy.”

My walk to the car put me right next to him. He sat on the sidewalk, next to his bike and crutches, and a collection of random bits that could fill a two bedroom apartment. As I walked past him, I heard random bits of his life as he spoke to himself. Probably a victim of the Ronald Reagan era, when he assisted in removing funds from various mental institutions, unleashing hundreds (maybe even thousands) of mentally unstable people on to the streets of our nation.

“I told them my wife was hurt in the fire, but they didn’t believe me. They just kept asking me question after question. She was burned in the fire.”

He said more about that too but I can’t exactly remember the other details. This awesome city lacks proper sheltering, considering the vast homeless population we have, so there really wasn’t anything I could do for this poor chap. And while one of our homeless locals claimed he wasn’t the man behind Lincoln assassination, this poor guy kind of looked like him.

I didn’t say anything to him though. I just walked on by, got in my car, and went home for the night.

John Wilkes Booth and the Wife in Flames (4/2008)

Author: bronsonfive

Film, movies, whatever.

5 thoughts on “Homeless John Wilkes Booth”

  1. Ha, that’s so funny, I agree with you on the stupidity of the “just get a job” mentality. The boyfriend and I got in a big discussion about that, until I finally said “Fine, you don’t have to give them change, but if you ever tell any of them to just get a job, I’ll lose my shit”. We compromise well. Anyways, the point is that, um…is it wrong that I think John Wilkes Booth was kind of attractive? It may have been the grainy quality if those old-time photos, but he had a bit of suave I think…

  2. This country has a screwed up way to deal with the mentally unstable. It seems that the ones that aren’t homeless are sitting in jails and prison. There needs to be a better way.

  3. Pugs: I’ve spent the past 2 or 3 days thinking about your statement… I don’t get it. Am I dumb?

    Greenmetro: Yeah, I’ve had this conversation more often than not. I understand there are quite a few pieces of fake homeless shit out there, but the truth of the matter is, a lot of them are like Booth. And yeah, I am sure he was quite the ladies man back in 1840. He was fucking suave.

    Evyl: There are plenty of better ways, but why spend money trying to help people when we can just buy more war shit?

  4. do any of these homeless chaps wear army pants and a hat that looks like a ballon animal hat? I see this chap almost daily – and he’s always crossing from your retail store parking lot toward the other side of university.

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