The “Grand Theft Auto IV” Entry…

There was about a 9 year period (1999 – 2008) of my life where I didn’t own a video game system. When I was a kid, NES (Nintendo Entertainment System for you acronym challenged) pretty much owned me. Then the Sega Genesis came out, and that owned me up until I was in high school (Streets of Rage 2 still owns me to this day), when the Playstation came out. I had one of those for a little while but then vagina started coming into my life, so I didn’t much care about video games anymore. So I rarely played them, save for a few Halo battles here and there at a friend’s house, or Grand Theft Auto shoot-outs.

This past March, however, all that changed. Being the DVD/movie geek I am, I was excited to arm myself with a Blu-Ray player, even though I am too poor to afford an HDTV to reap the full benefit. So I bought a Playstation 3. First time I’ve owned a game system in quite some time. I then found myself spending a great deal of time playing games too. Like Call of Duty 4 and Rainbow Six: Vegas. I came to the stunning realization that I love shooting people. I really love it. And this new system provided me with tools to do so.

“Hey terrorist!” I would say, “Get away from that slot machine!” I would then shoot them in the leg, only to wound them, then clip them in the neck to finish them off. I would literally sit on my couch and say these things to my TV. In my mind, I really was a terrorist fighter, armed to the teeth with an arsenal of weaponry.

Last week a game called Grand Theft Auto IV was released. It has been hailed by many as the greatest game ever made and is sure to be the best selling video game of all time. In said title, you play a Russian immigrant escaping to the US to begin an awesome life of crime and villainy. You can run around, steal cars, shoot anyone, run people over, punch people, drive while drunk (which is SO awesome), go on dates and have sex, and best of all, you can buy prostitutes. It’s like God himself made this game for the world to experience. I find it hard to believe anyone else could be responsible for creating such beautiful mayhem.

Needless to say, I got a copy of the game at midnight of the day of its release, and I have yet to stop playing it. I find myself aiming a lot of my aggression towards the residents of Liberty City (the location where this game takes place). I’ll be running around, and someone will accidentally bump me with their car.

So I’ll take out a gun and say something like, “Didn’t you see me you fuck?” and fire a shot into their chest. They’ll start screaming and falling down. So I get near them and say something like, “Oh, does that hurt? What about this?” and shoot them again. Then I’ll put my gun back and start punching them in the goddamn face. Finally, I’ll get in their car and start driving in reverse, so I have plenty of room to speed up. Next, I’ll start speeding up to their defenseless, injured body on the road and run them over at full speed.

“Next time, watch where you’re going motherfucker.”

Can I borrow your car? (5/2008)

Also, I know my pictures have lacked a certain variety as of late but stress not. I am working to remedy the problem.

Author: bronsonfive

Film, movies, whatever.

13 thoughts on “The “Grand Theft Auto IV” Entry…”

  1. I played Grand Theft Auto on my friend’s PSP last week.

    I have no idea what version of GTA it was, but I CAN say that my favorite part of the entire game was running up to a random dude and beating his ass for no reason.

    Apparently, my violent side only emerges in video games.

  2. not sure which admission is the most disturbing…”I came to the stunning realization that I love shooting people. I really love it. ” or “I got a copy of the game at midnight of the day of its release.”

  3. Freshcracker: I am not sure which version that was either. But that is my favorite part. I could spend hours doing that and only a few minutes playing the actual story part.

    Jason: The latter of admissions isn’t as lame as it sounds. You’re talking to a guy who goes to see movies on midnight the prior night of their release, no matter how lame they are. I saw Spiderman 3, Harry Potter 3, Day After Tomorrow, AVP, Pirates 2 and 3, each at a midnight screening.

    I guess I really am lame. Sigh.

  4. Wow. I haven’t played a video game in a very long time. In fact, I’m pretty sure the last one I played would be either PacMan or Mario Bros. My child has a PS2…but doesn’t have any games that intrigue me. Now…punching, shooting, driving drunk, and running over people sounds like perfect therapy. Must look into this. Thanks!

  5. I hate the GTA series. Let me explain. Im all for killing people for no reason and stealing their car, thats fun. But after I do that for a few hours it gets boring and nothing else intrigues me. Ive tried playing the storylines of these games as well and they have yet to be compelling enough to make me want to play the game for more then a few hours, tops.

  6. i fucking LOVE this game!! i have a blast!!! i was telling ahole on his blog, i beat a hotdog vendor with a bat for not letting me fucking eat. bastard.

  7. I don’t know man, I still yearn for the nostalgia of koopa shells, mushrooms, star-power, and kicking Bowser in the balls. I guess I’m kinda old-school like that….

  8. Evyl: Indeed! This is the kind of game you’d have no problem giving to your 8 year-old child.

    2 Dogs and Romi: There is nothing wrong with old school gaming. You’re right, it is indeed the best. Contra, Mario 3, Mike Tyson’s Punch Out, etc. 8 bit gaming was the shit. With that said, so is the new whatever bit generation. Punching any person in the face, then shooting them in the knee cap, that you want is simply too good to dismiss.

    Kerplar: I completely agree actually. But in my world, even GTA’s bad storytelling is more captivating than most other games I’ve played in the past 10 years. I love cheesy action films from the 80s, and this game seems to know how to capture all of these cliches into a playable game. With that said, the story in GTA IV is a lot more developed, and better for the good.

    Joebecca: Hot Dog venders should be shot anyway… Street pollutants.

    Steve: I am cool with online gaming when it comes to shit like Call of Duty 4. But GTA? I don’t know. The motivation never comes.

  9. My 9 year old sister is a fan of those games, she aimlessly runs people over with a smile on her face. I’m a bit more magical in my choice of game, TRY FABLE, ZELDA, WOW, MARIO ANYTHING(cuz of Yoshi of course) BLACK AND WHITE, OBLIVION, the only video game I like that doesn’t have a fairy like essence to it, is The Sims. I just can’t get into beatin some guys face in! he has to of wronged me first, i love in your pic how he is smiling all the while shooting…Oddly for me, In highschool vagina never riegned victor for me in my relationships, it always went like this, “Ha ha, you want me to stop playing WoW, bye.” Actually quite sad…

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