Goodbye my friends… (5/2008)
The time is finally here, old friend. Come June of 2008, I will be exited your limits forever, never to return for residence or employment. I moved to your town back in August of 1999 so you can’t say I didn’t try. I exasperated all of your resources, met everyone I possibly could have, and done all I could within that time. There is nothing more for me here. We just weren’t meant to be. We have completely opposite tastes. You like hot weather and tourists, I like cool breezes and hate tourists. You spend a lot of your time building useless condos in your downtown area, instead of actual affordable places for your residents to live. You don’t have that many well paying jobs in your city… who the fuck is moving into these places?
So I am moving from you. Leaving your limits.
Whatever, I don’t care. We are over. The only thing I will miss about you are the friendships I created. You had nothing to do with those either, because most of those people hated you too. Most of them have already left. I’d be nowhere without the people I’ve met here.
It is true however, that I fucked up a great deal of my relationships with people in this town and I have lived with that regret for longer than I care to remember. For the last time, I will offer them an apology, from the bottom of my heart. Shit happened in the past and there is nothing I can do about it, no matter how bad I want to. All I can do now is move forward. Maybe they can too. I’m done with it though. My chest has burned too long. As Clutch once sang, “You can’t stop, you can’t stop progress.”
I am going to take this next year of my life and dedicate it to me. You see, a couple of friends of mine offered me a chance to stay at one of their rental properties in a city far away. The upside? They say I wouldn’t have to pay rent. That would help me more than you could ever know. In a year’s time, I’d be so financially stable, I would be able to move anywhere on the planet. That has been my dream for longer than I can remember. The downside to that? This house is located in the town I came from. I vowed never to live in that city ever again, but never has an opportunity struck me like this before.
This decision didn’t come easy either. I’ve been contemplating it for months, without mentioning a word to anyone. A lot of shit has happened this past year – like a lack of employment, work skills, and not being admitted into any graduate programs – that has caused me to take a look at my life. All of my failures will only lead to my success, and my misery to my enlightenment. I have no direction in life anymore, so this decision to move back home (even though none of my family lives there anymore) actually kind of makes sense. I’ve always been proud to say, “Man, I never had to move back home, not even for a summer.” Everyone else I know has done that, at least once in their lives. Now it is my time.
It’s going to be good. It’ll give me time to think, like when Billy Idol sinks another drink. I will be able to test those new teaching skills I have acquired, and provide me with some experience. I can put focus into re-applying myself to graduate programs, only this time none of them will be film related. Writing about film used to be something I was quite interested in. Actually, it was the only thing I was interested in. But I know now that this skill can and will be nothing more than a hobby. How can I treat it as a hobby when it was the only thing I was ever good at? I didn’t have skills to do anything else with my life. But perhaps I do now. So my film writing days are over.
I guess that is all I have to say about that. Nothing you will say to me is going to change my mind. This is this, and that is that. I’m letting you go, old friend. I’ve lived within your walls longer than I have lived in any other city in my life. That is quite an accomplishment but it is one that has to end. You take care of yourself kid. Be well.
P.S. Please take care of my people who still live within you. I love them all and wish them nothing but happiness.