What’s Your Excuse? – 2008

This entry is recycled – it was a piece written for Film Threat a few years ago. It’s a sad story with some pictures I drew with Microsoft Paint. Now that my artistry has matured and such, I figured to revisit the piece. Firstly, you should check out the original by clicking these pretty words. Here is the original text for those too lazy to click. There are also two examples of each picture, the top one being the older one and the bottom being the remastered version. Think of this as the George Lucas of blogging. Remaking my own shit, thinking it’ll be better when in reality, it won’t be…


Big Trouble in Little China (4/2006)

Big Trouble in Little China Redux (5/2008)

People sure were stupid in 1986. In July of that year, John Carpenter’s amazing film of adventure and intrigue, Big Trouble in Little China, was released in cinemas. The sad thing there was no one really saw it. It was a “bomb” if you will. Not “Tha Bomb” (although the film is indeed Tha Bomb), it was a regular bomb, like the kind that dude in the woods used to make and mail to people.

This movie is so good. But no one saw it. 20 years later, people are still just as stupid. Slither leaked out of theaters faster than a blink of the eye, yet, Scary Movie 4 is pulling in an astonishing amount of coin. I guess the point of that story is we (the audience I mean) will always be a little dumb. That’s what makes being alive so much fun.

I have an excuse for missing Big Trouble in Little China in its theatrical glory. It was 1986, a year I’ll never forget, and perhaps one of the worst years in my life. I was about 5 years old then. My parents’ tumultuous relationship was coming to a close. They divorced that year. I don’t remember caring all that much about the separation (even then I thought divorced ruled because people that shouldn’t be together should indeed go their own ways) but I did care because I wouldn’t see my dad everyday anymore.

Sad Mike.bmp

Tears of ’86 (4/2006)

Tears of ’86 Redux (5/2008)

I was indeed sad. A few months after that happened, in a winter month, my good dog (a German Shepherd for you dog people) decided to call it quits. I walked out to his little doggie house to give him some food and water and I found him lying on his side. “Hey Corky, you okay?” I asked. “No, I don’t feel too good today,” he replied. I went back into the house and told my mom. She then called my dad. I then went back outside to kick it with Corky, who was still just lying there on the ground, motionless except for his chest moving in and out as he inhaled and exhaled.

My dad arrived moments later with his old Nissan Sentra station wagon. He said, “This doesn’t look too good Mike. I am going to take him to the vet now.” He rolled Corky up in a blanket and put him in the back seat. My dad then hugged me and said, “You might want to say goodbye to him now.” I knew when he said it that I would never see Corky again. I looked into the window and Corky looked back at me. I gave him a little wave, then watched my dad drive off. I never did see Corky again.


No More Corky (4/2006)

No More Corky Redux (5/2008)

1986 was indeed a terrible year. My dad and mom split, my dog died, my first hamster died (I left that part out on purpose) and Big Trouble in Little China was financially screwed. Being only five years-old, growing up with a single working mom, I never found a ride to theater that year to see Big Trouble. I was sad.

The following year or so, HBO decided to play the hell out of this movie. Thankfully, my mom still had HBO, so I watched it every time it was on. My mom used to actually get angry because everytime she came home from work, I was watching a crappy VHS dub she made for me. I must have seen that movie 237892344 times by now. And I love every second of it, still to this day.

To John Carpenter and Kurt Russell, I am sorry that I didn’t see your film in the theater. I highly doubt my 1986 dollars would have helped you or the film anyway, but it’s the thought that counts. I have since purchased it on VHS and DVD (the awesome 2-disc spectacular) to make up for the trouble.

When are you guys going to get back together and make another good movie? Do it for Corky.

Isn’t that quite a tale? Notice how my art skills really haven’t improved much over the years?

Author: bronsonfive

Film, movies, whatever.

7 thoughts on “What’s Your Excuse? – 2008”

  1. Damn, for a five year old you had it rough. Being a dog fan, that part of the story kind of hit home.

    I like how your skills have gotten better over the years. They haven’t changed so much that you can’t tell it’s you, but they are better nonetheless.

  2. Dude, that was a rough year. But maybe John Carpenter had something to do with your dogs demise. Wasn’t it the next year when he made, “They Live”?

  3. Hierophant: I actually think my skills are indeed the exact same but now I have more tools/attachments at my disposal. I wish the actual craft improved however…

    Evyl: Ah, They Live. How can I forget. Why does that movie hurt so good?

    Pugs: Haha. Wait until next year, when I remake it in 3-D.

  4. i remember that movie was on all the time! you must have really enjoyed the green eyed story line and the nice big hats.

    sorry to hear about corky…

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