Let’s swap pubic hair…

I went to this gay bar last night to hang out with a friend and her lesbian friends. These places always intrigue me because everyone is so fucking friendly. Seriously. Gay bars are the only places I’ve ever gotten a free drink in my life. Also, I’m a straight guy, so observing the other side of the fence and how open they are is quite a sight to behold. These people are so fucking friendly (and happy).

I had to go to the bathroom at one point to release the 4 or 5 drinks I had. As everyone knows, I don’t urinate in urinals because there are too many negative factors (some have a large splash factor, others have no walls between them). So I was in a stall. There was these two gents next to each other, using the urinal, engaged in a conversation.

The conversation was so Oscar worthy, I decided to include it in my upcoming screenplay entitled, “Set Me On Fire” about the trials and tribulations of a family living on the edge of dysfunction. Copyright 2008 Mike Bronson. Let’s call these gents Dan and Hubert for the sake of argument.

DAN:
…I told him I had red pubes dude, he didn’t believe me.

HUBERT:
No you don’t man, your hair is blonde.

DAN
I know but my curtains don’t match the sheets. Or, wait, how does that go?

HUBERT
I think it’s curtains don’t match the carpet or something.

DAN
Oh. That’s stupid. But here, check them out man.

Hubert peers to Dan’s urinal and looks down towards his manhood.

HUBERT
Oh my God, you are a red head! Awesome.

Hubert and Dan chuckle. CHARLES, a 20-something man, walks in at this exact moment.

HUBERT
Hey Charles, dude look at Dan’s pubes.

Charles moves towards him and looks down towards Dan’s manhood.

CHARLES
Sweet man, they’re red! Dan’s carpet doesn’t match the curtains.

Do you like my pubes? (6/2008)

Author: bronsonfive

Film, movies, whatever.

8 thoughts on “Let’s swap pubic hair…”

  1. So this is what gay people do at the clubs? I love it. Maybe I’m gay because this sounds like more fun than gyrating to sweaty grooves on the dance floor like the hetero people like to do. I’ll think about it. Looking forward to the movie though.

  2. Are you saying that you and your buddies never commisserate over the color of your pubes? How sad for you. My BFF and I discuss our pubes all the time! (Or lack thereof – TMI?)

  3. That is…the best (and worst) story ever…I really hope it doesn’t become a movie though…your picture is oh so very disturbing enough.

  4. Abarclay: Gay people do that too. Actually, they are much like straight bars/clubs, except their bathroom convos are much better.

    Jmaura: It’s all about depth perception.

    Crystal: Fire crotch indeed. I just wish I knew what got the conversation started in the first place.

    Kerplar: Thanks!

    Bejewell: The only time I talk about pubic hair is when I talk about how illegal it should be. For all mankind.

    Hiero: They would indeed. Those are very impressive attributes.

    Romi: The film will be just as disturbing. It’ll be in theaters next summer, starring Tom Cruise.

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