Nazi with a Music Problem: The Story of Ned

Somewhere in the early part of 2001, I dated this chick who lived in a duplex. Duplexes always hex me, perplex me, maybe even flex me. Wait, what was I saying? Oh yeah, so this girl lived in a duplex. In case you don’t know what a duplex is, for whatever reason (maybe you should try reading something other than this blog), a duplex is a house split down the middle and separated by a wall. On person or family lives on one side, another person or family lives on the other.

This girl lived on the right side. On the left side, lived a bunch of metal dudes. One of these dudes had a little girl who used to freak out and pull her hair out all the time but that is a whole other blog entry. I’d like to focus this entry on one of the dudes who lived there with her.

Now, I am not sure if it was the girl’s father or not, but I am going to pretend it is. Because which of you is going to correct me? That’s what I thought.

So this girl’s dad – we’ll call him Ned – was an interesting sort. There would always be metal shit blasting from the walls of their house. It would leak into my lady friend’s house. One night, after a long day of work, I showed up to her house a little after midnight. Ned was standing outside.

“Hey man,” he greeted me as I walked up, “how you doing?”

“Alright,” I yelled over the Rage Against the Machine he was listening to.

Ned wasn’t wearing a shirt. He had tattoos all over his body. The one that struck my eye, and the only I have committed to memory, was a weird looking swastika on his chest. Ned was a piece of shit racist redneck fuck living in the other half of duplex I was about to spend the night in. I was pissed and weirded out. This was 2001. Have we not moved on yet?

Then I got to thinking about his music selection. Dude was listening to some classic 90s RATM. I was rather perplexed by this. Did he not know that his band of worship was in fact non-white, and that their lyrics would rape his swastika in the face?

The next time I saw Ned, he was listening to Pantera. “Okay,” I thought, “now Ned is on the right track of the racist redneck America I love so much.” I saw the lead singer of Pantera one time when he was singing with Down. He yelled to the crowd, “Make some fucking noise, you motherfucking faggots!” as he got on stage. Pantera is no doubt up Ned’s alley.

Exterminate All Rational Thought (7/2008)

Another time I saw Ned, he was listening to Sepultura. Again, a non-white, non-American good-ole boy band. Ned clearly didn’t practice what he preached, nor listened to what was being preached to him. When I heard him listening to a System of a Down album, I finally figured that Ned just didn’t have a clue. He was like a dumb white kid, in middle school, going through a racist phase because his step-dad used “N****r” on a daily basis with no remorse. Only Ned never grew up and thought for himself.

I haven’t seen Ned in over 7 years. I wonder how Ned is doing. Does this guy ever go to the beach and have to show his swastika to the world over? Even more so, I wonder if he got that new Wicked Wisdom album. I love white people.

Author: bronsonfive

Film, movies, whatever.

5 thoughts on “Nazi with a Music Problem: The Story of Ned”

  1. i remember you telling me about a certain someone who was supposedly racist yet rocked out to ratm… i would have called children and family services though about the girl… no doubt they all probably did crack as well…

  2. woah! you had me scared there for a minute. You said on the other side lived a bunch of “metal dudes”.. I’m thinking “omg! Bronson’s chick was living next to a bunch of robots! I hope they have robot insurance and shit”

    thanks for clarifying!

  3. Hopefully this dude got the tat when he was very young and stupid and learned his lessons long before you gazed at his tits.

  4. This was such a great story, and I love how you tell it like it is to your readers i.e. “never heard of a duplex, maybe you should read something other than this blog”….or “I’m not sure if he was her father, but I’m going to pretend he was; which one of you is going to correct me? That’s what I thought” (not direct quotes) :-)

    And I haven’t analyzed one of your pics in a while, but in this one I feel like you’re showcasing his nugget-sized racist brain, and how his ignorance wafts into society, poisoning whoever is dumb enough to absorb his rank odour-ific stupidity.

    Great pic :-)

  5. Kiehnle: It’s awesome to see you’re still reading while you’re there in Germany. But in Florida, calling the department of family services is like punching yourself in the face. Only the latter brings some change.

    Joebecca: If she lived next to robots, it would have been the happiest times of my life.

    Hiero: I don’t know dude. These tattoos seemed pretty young. As in, he probably got them past his youth.

    Romi: Yeah, I like to kick out some knowledge to my readers from time to time, because I love them. Especially the ones, like you, who never give up on me. And again, your thought process is on. His brain was a nugget of ignorance.

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