Hot or Not: Julia Roberts?

Wow, almost no one (aside from 7 people) read my entry on books. So I’m going to go back to basics today with a question.

It must be asked… I bring this question up a lot in my day to day life and it’s the sort of thing I’ve been pondering since I was 10 years-old and I saw Pretty Woman. Even then, as an ignorant child, I wasn’t quite sure who the title of the film was talking about. They couldn’t mean Julia Roberts…. could they?

It was about 2 years later, when my interest in girls was its peak (both mentally and physcially – you get it?), that I realized who they were indeed talking about. Fucking Julia Roberts. I once asked my Mom why Julia Roberts had so many teeth. Did she not remove her baby teeth? What gives?

I am going to have to vote “Not” on this one, my friends. There is something about her… like, when she laughs hard, her mouth opens so wide as if her head literally splits in two, thus causing the top half to float away like a helicopter of doom.

roberts1

Julia Roberts and the Helicopter of Doom (2/2009)

Just how many fucking teeth does she have? Even when her mouth is shut and serious, like how it is often in Erin Brockovich, her lips look as if they are in a struggle with the teeth, as if they are prisoners desperately pulling for escape. But the lips do a good job keeping them in there… usually.

“But Mike, how can you not like her? She is so beautiful!”

I beg to differ with you, middle-aged, white female America, who long for her magnificent smile. I long not for her. I think her brother Eric has a lot more acting potential than she does, and he sure as hell has a lot less teeth. Perhaps I am just angry because she won an Academy Award over Ellen Burstyn a few years back. I am not sure, but I am sure that it does have a lot to do with it. What do you think? Check an option in this sweet poll…

And on a seperate note, I am quite proud of today’s picture. Usually I will set out to draw something only to give up seconds later when I realize I can’t draw what my imagination creates. Today is quite an exception for I drew exactly what I pictured.

Author: bronsonfive

Film, movies, whatever.

11 thoughts on “Hot or Not: Julia Roberts?”

  1. i thought she was beautiful when the movie cam out. i was quite the young impressionable female. but as i look at her now as an adult, i don’t see the beauty i once did as a child and i think she is a dork.

  2. I loved Julia Roberts. She used to be a total “alone time” fantasy when I was 17 in 1990. I dunno, I thought she was hot. That 80’s new wave slut look she had in Pretty Woman as the faux hooker always made me all perky.

    Never even noticed all the teeth. Then again I’m french and french chicks tend to be toothy, so maybe it’s my genetic predisposition kicking in.

  3. Knox, are you either suffering from an acute case of down syndrome or high when you have ‘alone time’ with julia roberts pretty woman dvd cover? The funniest, most retarded role she’s ever been in is that movie with richard gere, like whorey bride or something? lmao @ the picture, it was indeed perfect. Seeing her in a movie makes me feel dejected.

  4. Oh holy crap, that helicopter half-head is freaking me out!!!! (and dude, one of your BEST pictures!)

    Anyhoo I never understood the Julia Roberts fascination, that smile everyone talks about…I don’t get it. And she seems so washed up now, so what the hell is she doing starring in movie with Clive Owen that comes out in a couple weeks? Don’t taint my Clive Owen with your washed-up presence Julia…

  5. Anne: Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us.

    Bridge: I don’t know. Her teeth should be in a museum.

    Pugs: Potter is definitely hotter but I never see her in movies anymore.

    Knox: I guess I can kind of see the attraction to late 80s/early 90s whores… but not with her. Her mouth ruins it.

    462: Thanks for the picture comment.

    Romi: Remember when she did that other movie with Clive Owen, and he called her a cunt?!? That was the best movie EVER. I think it was called Closer. Natalie Portman was in it and she played a dirty stripper.

  6. Oh yes I remember Closer! And it had Jude Law too (right?), so as you can imagine it was a serious party-in-my-pants watching that movie…HAHAHAHA… :-)

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