The Audible Vasectomy

Today’s picture is a bit naughty… so lift with caution. You might also want to note that this is easily one of the best things I’ve ever drawn. Enjoy!

I know nothing of docorific shit. So, as you read this, please feel free not to correct me. Sometimes my mind like things to be mysterious. Such is an incident of today.

I saw a billboard today on the side of the road. It said something like, “Fresh Vasectomy – No Needles, No Cutting – Released the Same Day!” Wait a second… so I get what a vasectomy is. Guys get these to prevent themselves from having kids. But the only way I know it to be done is by way of a scalpel-to-sac procedure. Sounds painful, I guess, but this is one procedure that should be done a lot more often. I’ve met a lot of kids whose fathers either treat them like shit or disappear from their lives. I’ve also met a lot of kids with mothers who simply shouldn’t have been allowed to have kids.

As Keanu Reeves once said in Ron Howard’s immortal 1988 classic Parenthood, “You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, or drive a car. Hell, you need a license to catch a fish! But they’ll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.”

That movie seriously rocks my balls. That one line is way more philosophical than anything Keanu had to say in those ridiculously awful Matrix sequels or that newfangled Day the Earth Stood Still remake.

Back to the subject at hand… so I know what cutting does as far as a vastectomy is concerned, but I am not even going to pretend to actually know what a needle can do (although I can certainly imagine some wonderful things).

So my question is, if you aren’t cutting or shooting some sperm killers in there with a needle, how the fuck do you do it? I could only picture one alternative.


Stop making baby seed you motherfucker! (4/2009)

The doctor would have to be trained to speak a language only the testicles could agree with. He has to speak to them, maybe even shout at them, to get them to stop producing baby formula. They should then call it the “Audible Vasectomy” and deliver that shit for free to people in jails. Or even to children in high school who are fucking way early without the common sense needed to use protection.

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Author: bronsonfive

Film, movies, whatever.

8 thoughts on “The Audible Vasectomy”

  1. Unbelievable, truly a work of great art. If I could I would purchase it to hang upon my wall, over my mantel piece.

  2. Actually, I DID get the no-needle, no-scalpel vasectomy from the very same dude whose mug is on the billboard, and I can lend some insight. While it’s true there’s no hypodermic, and he doesn’t slit ya with a scalpel, there is indeed penetration (and in my case, blood). The anesthetic is administered through this sorta high-pressure gun that feels like a huge slingshot hittin’ ya in the balls — NOT an improvement to me! TAKE THE NEEDLE. And in lieu of a scalpel, he kinda pokes a hole in your scrotum, hooks the vas tubes, and pulls ’em out far enough to clip ’em. Luckily, he has ya flat on yer back while this is going on, and if ya have a big gut like me, you mercifully can’t see any of this… But FUCK, when that anesthetic wears off, yer in a world of ache! Trust me, you want the needle, and you want the scalpel. A nice clean cut is way easier on the jewels than a buncha pounding & gouging… Fortunately, it’s the kinda thing ya usually only need to do once…

  3. Saimfeld: All it takes is a rebel yell.

    Evidentress: As I you. I hope this picture hangs on the walls of Rape Street… oh wait, you guys aren’t there anymore.

    462: That crooked penis would take the words out of anyone’s mouth. Wait, that sounded way more naughty than I meant it to.

    Kerplar: Don’t you tempt me my man. I’ll go to Kinkos right now and print that shit out…

    Aaron: Holy fuck… that sounds painful! I… am… speechless…

    Thanks for clarifying!

  4. I saw that no scapel/no laser, just tender love and care billboard! The way that guys expression illustrates his love to have his head up close to your ballsack talking the baby-making out of them!

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