“It’s just that I’m too damn big to pay attention to ’em…”

Psssssst, psssssst…

I’m a teacher and there is a new fad amongst today’s kids… fucking goddamn sandals! I am not talking about the cutesy sandals that girls wear to accompany their nice dresses or outfits. I like those. I’m talking about those annoying Nike or Adidas “Adissage Sandals” that every other fucking kid seems to wear. Now, by looking at that picture linked prior to this sentence, you see simple black and white sandals with rubbery feet support designed  to make your feetsies all comfy and happy.

Psssssst, psssssst…

But in the real world, however, they are used for the utter destruction of sanity. I’d say about 72% of the student body at my school wear these on a daily basis — no matter the weather. It was about 20-30 degrees out in the morning for a couple of weeks and these kids would have no problem wearing their sandals to school. Also, there is no need for guys to have sandals. None.

“Hey wait a second, I have sandals and I have a penis…”

Yeah? Throw them away. There is no sane reason why any male should own sandals. I don’t care if you go to the beach 234 times a day. I don’t care if you’re too poor for socks. I don’t care for anything you have to say or are thinking about now. You’re wrong. No matter how pretty your feet look, they are still ugly. So cover them shits up.

Psssssst, psssssst…

Here’s the kicker… Now, I am no fucking Coco Chanel but I am pretty positive that sandals were invented for use without socks. These kids wear their lame Adidas sandals with socks. 7 days a week, no matter what the condition is outside. Sandals with socks. Day in, day out.

Psssssst, psssssst…

On top of all this breaking of fashion laws, the kids do something worse… something that drives me absolutely up a wall even more so than seeing their dirty socks protruding from their rubbery black foot pieces of doom, is how they walk. Kids today don’t walk like normal people – picking up their feet and taking life one step at a time. Instead, they slide, as if they are attempting to ice skate across any service that isn’t ice. So I hear this sounds at least 23,499,923,212,923,490,234,123 times a day. Psssssst, psssssst…

Try Explaining This One (6/2010)

When they come up to my desk to ask me a question… Psssssst, psssssst. When they walk over to the pencil sharpener… Psssssst, psssssst. When they walk out of the room to go to the bathroom… Psssssst, psssssst. When we’re in the midst of reading… Psssssst, psssssst. When we’re in the midst of doing anything involved in the educational process… Psssssst, psssssst.

Psssssst, psssssst…

As I slit my fucking throat… Psssssst, psssssst. It’s a shame this school year has come to an end.

Author: bronsonfive

Film, movies, whatever.

One thought on ““It’s just that I’m too damn big to pay attention to ’em…””

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