Heroic Rabbit Isn’t So Lucky…

Fire in the Master’s House is Set (9/2011)

When I first got my cat Doyle, he got into some trouble in my garage. He was about 5 months old at the time, when he made his way into my garage and started playing with/attacking a fishing pole (not mine of course). Needless to say, the hook got caught up in his paw padding and he tried to run. But the hook was attached to the line, which was attached to the fishing pole. He was not strong enough to move the entire pole. Continue reading “Heroic Rabbit Isn’t So Lucky…”

To Robert Schimmel…

Robert Schimmel was a comedian who spent a good deal of his later career talking about his experience with cancer. It was great to hear him discuss such an issue with as an open discussion as possible. He was as hilarious as he was sad. I had the great fortune of seeing him perform in Tampa last year. He was a master of his craft.

He passed away Friday in a tragic car accident. Perhaps that was our creator’s big joke. The man survived such a horrific cancer ordeal, only to be ended in a car accident. Here is to you, fine sir.

Mr. Robert Schimmel (9/2010)

Pictures of Doom turns 3!

It was early September of 2007 when City Pictures began with a simple premise: let’s show the world how amazing my skills of illustration are. That was 3 years ago. How time flies.

Since then, we’ve gone through countless header designs, a barrage of ramblings about all things awful and hilarious, touching stories of sadness, and simple tales of idiocy. It’s been a long journey.

Those first 3 months out, City Pictures gathered about 3,000 – 4,000 hits a month. It was way more than I ever though possible. Nowadays, I’m lucky if I even get 1,000 hits a month. This site was once on WordPress’ list of “Fastest Growing Blogs” (September, 2007). What happened? My art and ramblings tired people out I guess. They are sick of it. But what is a poor boy to do? Make some changes, that’s what.

“But dude, what kinds of things are you going to change?”

Actually, as far as content goes, absolutely nothing. My ramblings will still ramble. My art will still rival Picasso.

“So what are you talking about?”

The New Tablet (9/10)

Firstly, the web address is now more permanent: citypictures.wordpress.com is now http://picturesofdoom.com. That sounds so much more official, right?

Secondly, I’ve finally gone and done something I’ve talked about for years… I’ve recently purchased a Wacom Tablet.

“What the Hell is that, bro?”

It’s a tool that allows me to draw on my computer with an actually pencil-like tool. My drawings are about to advance a stage in quality (probably not really). So be on the lookout for that.

Thirdly, I’ve made some changes in theme. Pictures of Doom has had the same theme for the past 3 years. It was about time to change it. I may even change the header again too… Who knows?

Fourthly, regarding you. Why isn’t this link in your favorites list yet? I average about 30-40 hits a day. I know I have more friends than that. My mom and dad read this more often than you. So get on it! Add this to your daily grind. You’re helping a poor man build his ego. How hard is it to comply?

Fifthly, I love when you guys comment here. You notice I always comment back? So comment. I like comments as much as I like attention – a lot.

Sixthly, if you haven’t noticed by now, I started yet another blog. It’s called “Stuff College Kids Wear” and it’s dedicated to the awful fashions of today’s college youth. Go there and enjoy. It could use your help. But don’t think that means you don’t have to read this anymore. Because that isn’t true at all.

Seventhly, I’ve recently updated my blogroll and (unfortunately) had to eliminate a lot of blogs that were abandoned. I’d love to add more to it to replace those fallen comrades. Let me know. If you’re worthy, I’ll add it. Perhaps you can add me too.

Eighthly, Pictures of Doom hit a massive landmark the other day. For the past 3 years, our biggest day earned us 256 unique visits (in a single day). That’s been our biggest day since September 27th, 2007. Since that day, we’ve never even come close to breaking that record. Until now. For some reason or another, on September 1st, 2010, Pictures of Doom got 758 unique hits! That’s over 700 hits in one single day! That’s crazy! It seems that posting my entry on how to teach sexual education the proper way to kids (AKA The 3 Ps) on Reddit really benefitted my life. Go Reddit!

That’s it I guess. Any questions? Concerns? Suggestions? Hit me up. It’s only going to get worse from here.

Thank you for all your visits. They really are special to me.

Baseball players love the juice…

I once watched a documentary that argued the pros of allowing athletes the ability of using steroids in a legal environment. They said that if Tiger Woods was allowed to enhance his vision with lacik eye treatment, thus improving his sight and overall abilities in the game, why can’t other athletes use steroids to improve their abilities? After all, steroids have never actually killed anyone. No one has ever overdosed using steroids. Perhaps some crazy girlfriends have been the victim of “roid-rage” but that’s really about it.

So what is the big deal about baseball players using the juice? Why does everyone care so much? I don’t watch or like sports, yet, for some reason, I see on the news all the time. For years. It never ends. Let them get their big-muscles-small-penis and be done with it.

Juicy Fruit is gonna move ya (8/2010)

You shouldn’t be mad at that anyway. What you should be mad at is the fact that they make millions upon millions of dollars to play a simple game. While you and I make nothing for actual work.

Wait a second… I’m unemployed. So never mind.

Which leads me to another question… you are getting paid quite a lot of money to play a game. Why mess your body up with steroids? You can sit the bench for an entire game and still get paid tons of money. Why mess your body up? Your salary is awesome regardless.

“But my car likes BP gasoline the best!”

I’m tired of hearing about the oil spill. I’m tired of people telling me to ban BP stations. I’m tired of seeing oil-covered animals floating around the water. I’m tired of living in a state where giant gobs of tar wash up on its shores. Are we not part of America? Stop being shocked about this stuff people. This isn’t the first oil spill and it won’t be the last.

This has happened before.

“Wait dude, it has happened before but never to such huge spillage!”

So? Because more oil came out this time, I am supposed to care more? That makes no sense. Should we not have been outraged that oil companies drill so close to land? Fuck that… any oil drilling in the middle of the ocean is rather disgraceful.

“Whatever dude, still. BP is run by a bunch of assholes and we need to not give them any more of our money.”

Alright. I remember being a kid when that whole Exxon-Valdez thing happened. Do you remember it? “Hey everyone, let’s protest Exxon!” That was in the 1980s… so let me ask you a little multiple choice question:

What things exist today?
A. Good Spider-man films
B. Exxon Gasoline
C. Charles Bronson
D. John Denver

If you answered B, you are correct. None of that other stuff exists anymore. Those things have been wiped off this planet (or simply never existed, like choice A). Point is, we as Americans have a very lazy streak. We protest things in our Facebook statuses and what-not, but what real harm do we do? Nothing. I bet a quarter that BP will still exist over the next few years and this whole incident will be forgotten in less time than that. We talk a mean game but we never produce results.

“What are you talking about man, we got rid of the Republicans!”

Do you really notice a difference in how things are going in this country? How about this little nugget… This little BP incident can now be called Obama’s Katrina. He knew it was happening but he sure did take a minute to pull the trigger on something. And what is even being done about this?

I’ll tell you…

A country of people whining on the internet about how awful this situation is, while they gas up their car with another brand that is affecting our planet just as much. The only difference between BP and every other gas company is that BP slipped… their harm to the planet is actually being thrown in our faces. The other guys affect us invisibly. So the Gulf of Mexico is being destroyed inches per minute. You not shopping there anymore because they are killing hundreds of pelicans isn’t going to stop the next oil spill from happening. Tell your friends that shit.

What about all of the millions of acres of land we’ve destroyed on this planet to put up all the Super Targets and Ikeas that you fucking LOVE so much, while millions of acres of empty buildings lay to rest? You people do know that birds and animals live in those areas of land we are clearing out, right? Your hypocrisy utterly astounds me.

No, not the fishes! (6/2010)

This Baby Inhales Better Than You Do!

I love the internet. For one, it has single-handedly destroyed all traces of journalism and film criticism the world over. For two, it has allowed the world to see things like this (smoking baby hilarity). We live on a crazy planet.

Smoke Rings of a 2-Year Old (5/2010)

What will kill this kid first… his weight problem or his lung cancer? Dude has bigger tits than you do!

“I had an adrenaline rush… you can google it.”

That’s right kids… in order to appease a newer fan base, I had to use a quote from Twilight – the biggest piece of shit book/film franchise this side of Spider-Man. Oh wait, did I just lose those same fans because I made fun of it? Whatever. The quote is so perfect as to what’s about to happen.

It’s been a crazy year. I don’t even know where to begin… but don’t worry. I’ll share it all with you. I’ve told you practically everything so far, why would I stop now? This is all coming back. I promise you.

“Why is it coming back all of the sudden? You left us in the rain. You keep putting in it and pulling it out without letting me finish!”

I know, I know. I keep saying I’ll post more, then follow it up with nothing. But, alas dear readers, it has happened. The moment we’ve all been waiting for. I finally got brand new silverbox, complete with Illustrator. My shitty pictures city pictures/pictures of doom shall return. So will the stories. This year has been one of the craziest years of my life. For every bit of misery came a sprinkle of happiness.

And I’ll be sure to share it all with you. So don’t worry.

Let’s Get Back to Work (4/2010)