Stuff Your Kids Say: The Dinosaur Kid

The lady (her name is Kimberly) works at a private school for little (rich) kids. Often times, she comes home from work and shares with me these stories of hilarity. Mostly involving the weird and silly things kids say. Kids of the younger persuasion are the best types to hold a conversation. They really do say the craziest things. The other day, she told me of such a conversation. Continue reading “Stuff Your Kids Say: The Dinosaur Kid”

Stuff Your Kids Say: You Fart from Where?

My friend Bridget was in Target the other day when she overheard a conversation between a mother and her daughter.

Little girl at Target:
I farted in my butt!

Mom:
Little girls don’t talk like that.

Girl:
Just kidding I did it with my mouth!

Alright, let me get this straight. It’s not okay for girls to talk about farting in their butts but it is okay for them to talk about farting from their mouths? Check. But how does one exactly fart in their butt? I understand how one farts out of their butt… but inside it? Perhaps that mother should talk to her daughter about the art of fart; then explore the manners of feminism at a later date.

But I’m still confused as to how one farts in their butt. So I drew this chart. I really think you need another person to fart in your butt. It’s virtually impossible to do it on your own.

Fart Chart (8/2010)

Stuff Your Kids Say: What About the Sandcastles?

My eyes have recently been opened to a phenomenon I’ve never given a single thought to: children and the interesting conversations they have. I often forget how ignorant children are of the world and all of its awful splendor. Having a conversation with a child is pulling the cord of a See ‘n Say. You pull the chord hoping for, “The cow says, ‘Moooooo,'” but instead get something completely random. But when you speak with children, it’s a lot more interesting than an animal sound (sometimes anyway).

A good friend of mine recently discussed a conversation he had with his daughter during that whole BP oil splendor. Rarely can a kid say something that makes me smile. Despite my completely uncaring nature towards the BP oil spill of doom, I was a little troubled by the thought of this kid not being able to make sandcastles with her daddy. It was the only time during that almost 90-day Gulf of Mexico massacre that I slightly cared.

With that conversation, however, came inspiration for me to do something… for me to take action now. Because as Zack de la Rocha once said, “If we don’t take action now, we’ll settle for nothing later.” I’m not a very smart man but I’d like to consider myself a man of action.

“Cool man, you’re going to do something about the oil spill?”

Whoa dude, you’re seeing the wrong point. Of course I am not going to do anything about BP except fuel up my car there. What I meant by action is that I’ve found a new calling. I’ve decided to start a new series called, “Stuff Your Kids Say”.

This first entry is said conversation with the little girl about her feelings towards sandcastles. Remember that scene in Knocked Up when Paul Rudd said, “I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles.” I don’t know why but this conversation completely reminded me of that. Here is the conversation:

Ally:
Daddy where does the oil go?

Dad:
Right now it’s just floating out there in the water, moving, and some of it will wash up on the beach.

Ally:
But not on our beach right? Not where we make sand castles!

Is that not the most precious thing ever? Seriously… that conversation almost made me want to drive through the Gulf and suck up all the oil with my Shop-Vac.

Sandcastles for Ally (8/2010)

This picture is for you JD. Don’t be offended by its badness. I drew it without a mouse… and that is a super challenge. Enjoy. -M

So fellow readers, do you think you’ve had a conversation with your child that is worthy of a picture? Maybe you’ve even heard a child say something interesting while shopping at a store (that was for you Bridget… you’re next). If you think you have something for me that is worth my time, then why don’t you go ahead and e-mail me the conversation in dialogue form (see above) at:

citypicturesofdoom(@)gmail.com

Perhaps someday you can see your fine words in a post with a pretty terrible amazing picture to go with it. Full credit of course.