Heroic Rabbit Isn’t So Lucky…

Fire in the Master’s House is Set (9/2011)

When I first got my cat Doyle, he got into some trouble in my garage. He was about 5 months old at the time, when he made his way into my garage and started playing with/attacking a fishing pole (not mine of course). Needless to say, the hook got caught up in his paw padding and he tried to run. But the hook was attached to the line, which was attached to the fishing pole. He was not strong enough to move the entire pole. Continue reading “Heroic Rabbit Isn’t So Lucky…”

“But my car likes BP gasoline the best!”

I’m tired of hearing about the oil spill. I’m tired of people telling me to ban BP stations. I’m tired of seeing oil-covered animals floating around the water. I’m tired of living in a state where giant gobs of tar wash up on its shores. Are we not part of America? Stop being shocked about this stuff people. This isn’t the first oil spill and it won’t be the last.

This has happened before.

“Wait dude, it has happened before but never to such huge spillage!”

So? Because more oil came out this time, I am supposed to care more? That makes no sense. Should we not have been outraged that oil companies drill so close to land? Fuck that… any oil drilling in the middle of the ocean is rather disgraceful.

“Whatever dude, still. BP is run by a bunch of assholes and we need to not give them any more of our money.”

Alright. I remember being a kid when that whole Exxon-Valdez thing happened. Do you remember it? “Hey everyone, let’s protest Exxon!” That was in the 1980s… so let me ask you a little multiple choice question:

What things exist today?
A. Good Spider-man films
B. Exxon Gasoline
C. Charles Bronson
D. John Denver

If you answered B, you are correct. None of that other stuff exists anymore. Those things have been wiped off this planet (or simply never existed, like choice A). Point is, we as Americans have a very lazy streak. We protest things in our Facebook statuses and what-not, but what real harm do we do? Nothing. I bet a quarter that BP will still exist over the next few years and this whole incident will be forgotten in less time than that. We talk a mean game but we never produce results.

“What are you talking about man, we got rid of the Republicans!”

Do you really notice a difference in how things are going in this country? How about this little nugget… This little BP incident can now be called Obama’s Katrina. He knew it was happening but he sure did take a minute to pull the trigger on something. And what is even being done about this?

I’ll tell you…

A country of people whining on the internet about how awful this situation is, while they gas up their car with another brand that is affecting our planet just as much. The only difference between BP and every other gas company is that BP slipped… their harm to the planet is actually being thrown in our faces. The other guys affect us invisibly. So the Gulf of Mexico is being destroyed inches per minute. You not shopping there anymore because they are killing hundreds of pelicans isn’t going to stop the next oil spill from happening. Tell your friends that shit.

What about all of the millions of acres of land we’ve destroyed on this planet to put up all the Super Targets and Ikeas that you fucking LOVE so much, while millions of acres of empty buildings lay to rest? You people do know that birds and animals live in those areas of land we are clearing out, right? Your hypocrisy utterly astounds me.

No, not the fishes! (6/2010)

This Baby Inhales Better Than You Do!

I love the internet. For one, it has single-handedly destroyed all traces of journalism and film criticism the world over. For two, it has allowed the world to see things like this (smoking baby hilarity). We live on a crazy planet.

Smoke Rings of a 2-Year Old (5/2010)

What will kill this kid first… his weight problem or his lung cancer? Dude has bigger tits than you do!

Parents is Dumber – This is Why Your Kid Has Sex With Teachers

Let me preface this by saying this story may upset some of you. I’m sorry. It deals with the simple issue of teachers having sex with students. While I understand that some of these stories in the media stem from force (an issue I am certainly not discounting); this particular tale deals instead where the relationship happens because of consent from both parties. You see, I was brought up in a way such that I was the only one responsible for my actions. My mom never blamed anyone for anything wrong I ever did. She didn’t blame society, video games, or the music I listened to. And I love her for it. Parenting today, however, believes not in these things. They put responsibility on anything that isn’t their own kid or even their crappy parenting abilities. Fuck that. So if this story grosses you out or makes you angry, sorry, but you’re probably part of the problem. Regardless, pass this to your friends.

The parental front has taken a rather huge hit in recent years. Part of the problem here is that we have babies raising babies. You’ve heard that saying before. I’m currently 29 years-old. I teach kids who are only 12-13 years-old. Some of their parents are younger than me, which means they had their child at 15 or 16… how mature do you think they were?

I taught high school for a year. Freshman, 14-15 years-old. It was pretty excruciating – especially since it was my first year. Brutal. That isn’t to say I didn’t have any good kids, because I did, but I was teaching all lower level kids. A lot of them had no support at home so their educational lessons went wasted. That’s a huge part of the problem because 50% of the educational process happens at home, no matter what you think. If you don’t support and encourage your child’s education each night, you’re going to lose them. If you don’t care, they don’t care. And if they don’t care, the classroom will be full of degenerates.

So check on your kid’s education. Take an interest in what they learned and make it all seem special and important. Only you can help shape the next president or writer or astronaut or scientist. We don’t need anymore toothless fast-food employees. We have enough.

But this isn’t the moral of this tale. I was rambling, you crazy ramblers. Let me get to the point.

There has been a lot of stories in the media about teachers forming sexual relations with students. It happens more and more often as time goes by. Being a teacher myself, I could never understand how a person in my field could bring myself to have sex with someone they help educate. Not to mention the fact that these kids are underage. That doesn’t seem to matter to these people though. Regardless, students are not to be our friends and lovers. They are children with a desire for education. How can the responsible adult try to change their desire for knowledge into a desire for cock?

There were the thoughts that ran through my head before I was a teacher on the front lines. Before I actually understood what was actually going on in a classroom. Before I knew how your son or daughter actually spoke to a teacher — or even looked at them. Teaching 9th grade for one single year has allowed me the fortune to deduce a new hypothesis: It’s not entirely the teacher’s fault.

“Whoa, wait a second dude. How can a child be responsible for such an atrocity?”

When I was a kid, I knew that it wasn’t right to stick my cock in a teacher’s vagina. I mean, teacher’s are mostly at fault. They no doubt get it started. But there is more to it than that. Taking any responsibility off the children is simply idiotic.

I’m semi-young. Students treat younger teachers a little different than older ones. They are way more friendly towards us. Some girls have even sought my advice on one-too-many-a-personal-issue. Things I would never even imagine talking to a teacher about. Two girls last year even told me that they wish they had a father like me. One of their fathers was dead; the other was in jail.

Moreover, the thing that surprised me most last year was the amount of cleavage I was exposed to. It was simply unavoidable (and disgusting). It never ceased to amaze me how much cleavage some 14 year-old girls are blessed cursed with.

Remember my bit about babies raising babies? Thanks to that, these young girls know what they are packing and exactly how to use it. Or use them, whatever. Guys flock around girls with the most cleave and smarter girls know how to use that to their advantage. These guys will do anything for the girl with the most cleavage.

Teen Tits for Jailbirds (5/2010)

So how do you let your kid walk out the fucking door with their tits flopping all over the place. You have to know that your kid has the breasts of a supple porn star, right? Why do you buy them shirts that allow these things to say hello to the world?

“But I can’t watch my kid every minute of the day – I trust them to get themselves ready and make it to school on time. I have to get ready for work too, you know! Asshole!”

I’m not saying you can’t live your life and take care of your own stuff.

But don’t be surprised when the police show up to your door and inform you that your child just rode her science teacher in the back of a minivan in the parking lot of an abandoned K-Mart. Or that she blew another student in the bathroom and then let him cum all over her sweet treats afterwards.

I’ve worked at a school that had two sexual problems between teachers and students in one tumultuous year. Who were the teachers? Men – between 30 and 40 years of age. – unhappily married. What do you think they are going to do when a girl shows them some batted eyelashes and a peak at their tits (thanks to their scantly shirts)? Their misery allowed their retarded decisions to happen.

But your fatuous parenting styles gave it birth.

When good reviews happen to bad people…

Or is it the other way around? Regardless, I noticed over at Bloggy Award that they were kind enough to give me, Pictures of Doom, a pretty positive write-up. I feel so glamorous now. And with this review could come more readers, right?

My favorite quote in the entire piece is, “Some of the topics may not be deemed proper by some people but hey, the blog has its own target readers who can appreciate the topics.” They gave me a perfect 10 in the Reading Enjoyment section of the review. Yeah, that’s right. You know you enjoy it. I’ll be back with more pictures tomorrow.