Pictures of Doom is Dead…

UPDATE: My picture days are over. Come to my new home by clicking right here. See you later.  

“Wait, what?”

Yes, the headline of this entry is true. City Pictures, aka Pictures of Doom, is about to die. By the time you finish reading this entry, you will realize there will be no more words ever to be posted here.

We had a good run. It’s been over 4 years since I started this. I’ve drawn hundreds of pictures, made fun of countless people, gained a ton of readers during the height of the site, and then lost them all during long hiatuses (is that even a word?) from yours truly.

“Why are you ending it dude?”

Simple, really. I really don’t want to be that guy who writes a few stories a month and then disappears. That is just crazy train. It gets peoples’ hopes up before smashing them in the face with the reality that nothing is coming for months. I often sit around and try to think of new stuff to write. Only I come up short. There just isn’t anything going on in my world that I feel hasn’t been tackled yet.

I still hate when dudes don’t shave their necks, loathe the Spiderman trilogy, laugh at people who smell, and dislike most movies I see. I barely write anymore because I know it’s something you’ve probably heard me say before. So why say it again.

I have made a lot of friends with a lot of bloggers here. I will still read their blogs (what else is there to read?) and show my support. But, as for this, I can’t muster up the originality to create new stuff. I haven’t been happy with the past few months worth of pictures I have drawn. Perhaps I need to learn Illustrator a little better? I actually feel that my pictures have downgraded in quality since this thing started and when I started it, it was for the purpose of improving my craft. There is a goal I didn’t really succeed in. I also feel my writing lately has just been done for the sake of getting it done. It hasn’t been that great.

I have been writing online for various people/places for a long time. I am tapped out of words I think. The archives will live on though. So feel free to search around and read things written long ago, during the Pictures of Doom prime (as I call it).

So I guess that is it. It was great to provide the 17 of you who read this frequently a bit of entertainment in your day. Your emails and comments have made me smile more than you will ever know. But it is time for me to move on to something else. Even if I have no idea yet what that will be.

I shall miss you all. Farewell, until next time.


Heroic Rabbit Isn’t So Lucky…

Fire in the Master’s House is Set (9/2011)

When I first got my cat Doyle, he got into some trouble in my garage. He was about 5 months old at the time, when he made his way into my garage and started playing with/attacking a fishing pole (not mine of course). Needless to say, the hook got caught up in his paw padding and he tried to run. But the hook was attached to the line, which was attached to the fishing pole. He was not strong enough to move the entire pole. Continue reading “Heroic Rabbit Isn’t So Lucky…”

Baseball players love the juice…

I once watched a documentary that argued the pros of allowing athletes the ability of using steroids in a legal environment. They said that if Tiger Woods was allowed to enhance his vision with lacik eye treatment, thus improving his sight and overall abilities in the game, why can’t other athletes use steroids to improve their abilities? After all, steroids have never actually killed anyone. No one has ever overdosed using steroids. Perhaps some crazy girlfriends have been the victim of “roid-rage” but that’s really about it.

So what is the big deal about baseball players using the juice? Why does everyone care so much? I don’t watch or like sports, yet, for some reason, I see on the news all the time. For years. It never ends. Let them get their big-muscles-small-penis and be done with it.

Juicy Fruit is gonna move ya (8/2010)

You shouldn’t be mad at that anyway. What you should be mad at is the fact that they make millions upon millions of dollars to play a simple game. While you and I make nothing for actual work.

Wait a second… I’m unemployed. So never mind.

Which leads me to another question… you are getting paid quite a lot of money to play a game. Why mess your body up with steroids? You can sit the bench for an entire game and still get paid tons of money. Why mess your body up? Your salary is awesome regardless.

“I had an adrenaline rush… you can google it.”

That’s right kids… in order to appease a newer fan base, I had to use a quote from Twilight – the biggest piece of shit book/film franchise this side of Spider-Man. Oh wait, did I just lose those same fans because I made fun of it? Whatever. The quote is so perfect as to what’s about to happen.

It’s been a crazy year. I don’t even know where to begin… but don’t worry. I’ll share it all with you. I’ve told you practically everything so far, why would I stop now? This is all coming back. I promise you.

“Why is it coming back all of the sudden? You left us in the rain. You keep putting in it and pulling it out without letting me finish!”

I know, I know. I keep saying I’ll post more, then follow it up with nothing. But, alas dear readers, it has happened. The moment we’ve all been waiting for. I finally got brand new silverbox, complete with Illustrator. My shitty pictures city pictures/pictures of doom shall return. So will the stories. This year has been one of the craziest years of my life. For every bit of misery came a sprinkle of happiness.

And I’ll be sure to share it all with you. So don’t worry.

Let’s Get Back to Work (4/2010)

“Ain’t No Grave Can Hold My Body Down”

A long, long time ago, I drew a picture for Romi for reasons I don’t really remember anymore. I just found it in the bowels of my computer. I think it stemmed from a conversation about beloved (or mostly loathed) pubic hair. Perhaps it all started from this conversation I had about a very short-lived relationship I had.

I dated a girl one time in 2002. We saw 8 Mile together when it came out. I think that’s the only thing I really remember about her, as far as things we actually did. We never slept together. She was never one of the illustrious digits of mine. Do you want to know why? Sure… we all do.

One time, we were making out, rolling around in bed. So I guided my hand to her special area. I noticed something quite fowl. Her, uh, lawn was a bit too out of control. This is the kind of crazy yard that neighbors would complain to the home owner’s association about. Also, the shape of the thing. It was everywhere; her lawn was definitely outside the quadrants of a normal lawn. This thing could trap a fucking raccoon.

As disgusted as I was at the time, I figured it’d be rude of my fingers to enter a lawn but not go inside for tea. They were hesitant but they finally made it. Only there was someone else in there blocking the entrance.

The girl said, “Um… I’m sorry, I am on my period.”

Yes, you read that all right. I take my hand to the south, peruse around the merchandise, enter the front door… and THEN she decides it’s a good time to inform me of said problem.

I took my hand out, washed them both with fire, then went to sleep. I broke up with her the next day. It wasn’t so much about the tomato soup filter I bumped into without any official warning; instead it was the lack of weed trimmings. You can get lawn maintenance gear anywhere for the cheap. I think it was then that I decided that any kind of untrimmed lawn just wouldn’t be part of my universe.

There is just nothing good about pubic hair… on either side of the fence.

Good news? No one, aside from Romi, has ever laid eyes on it. More good news? It’s done with glorious Illustrator.

Bad news? Cover your eyes…

What’s Your Sign, Girl? (2007)

Nothing about this makes sense…

On my travels through my computer’s hard drives and flash drives, I’ve stumbled upon some really weird crap. First there was Goodbye My Sweet, a tragic tale of a man who simply can’t handle loss. I even found Rabbit and Future but that Slim Shady movie that came out weeks after I wrote it prevents it from ever being published. Then I found this weird story.

Also written in 2002, it’s a true story about a strange night in 1996. I was 15 years-old. Some friends and I were all hanging out. Some of my friends were into doing crazy shit — like drink bottles of cough syrup or huff gas until you couldn’t smell it anymore. That was never my style but I couldn’t avoid going along for the ride. How could I not want to see what kind of crazy stuff they would get into?

Although I was never part of their over-the-counter intake adventures, they did provide me with enough adventure to fill a book. Or at least a small shitty book (drew with Paint mind you). I drew this about 8 years ago, while I was taking a trip down memory lane. It’s a rocky trip but I recalled this particular night and had to lay it on digital paper. Looking back on these illustrations, I find it hard to tell which character is which. See if you can tell.

See if you care.

But what did I learn through all of this? I saw kids doing crazy shit when I was still one of them. I never put a bottle of cough syrup to my lips for anything other than fighting a cold. I’ve never done anything with gasoline that didn’t involve keeping a car alive.

Life was always too hilarious for that. It still is.

Continue reading “Nothing about this makes sense…”